Crazy Skinny Girls

I'm not sure if I have a particular talent for attracting people with food issues or if there are just that many women in the world with messed-up eating habits.  I'm a little hyper-sensitive to these sorts of things; but most of the stuff I've encountered, anyone with the observational skills of a two-year old would have picked up on and thought to themselves, "Damn.  That's some f-ed up shit!"

Just about every dancer I met had a "troubled" relationship with food on some level, usually manifesting itself in elaborate rules about how, what or when things could be consumed.  One girl I met at Boston Ballet, for example, only ate with chopsticks.  There was nothing in her heritage to suggest that she had been brought up eating with chopsticks; but she had decided as a teenager that this was the only way food would pass her lips.  She carried her own chopsticks around in a little velvet-lined box everywhere she went, and at mealtime she'd tuck into her spaghetti or chicken divan with the ends of her ivory-tipped chopsticks. 

A summer program I attended at North Carolina School of the Arts was full of crazy skinny girls.  Aside from all the run-of-the-mill anorexics and bulimics, there was the girl who would only eat the inside of bread -- she would tear off the crust of a biscuit or bagel, claiming that it was "more caloric" than the inside.  (But see, infra, college sorority girls ordering "scooped-out bagels").  We also had the Red Froot Loop Girl, who limited her Froot Loop consumption to the red Loops, leaving behind a mess of green, yellow and orange in her bowl.  That summer, my friends and I constantly snacked on Twizzlers dipped in Crystal Light mix, which wasn't a weight-loss plan or a food rule, but weird nonetheless (mmm, pure citric acid and aspartame on a flavored wax product!).   

At Boston Ballet, I turned in a friend for having an eating disorder because she claimed to have "food allergies" that caused her to puke after every single meal.  Another girl there said she was allergic to dairy, but she would still eat frozen yogurt just about every day -- she would just spit it back into the cup after she finished.  Very appetizing.  Other girls had rules like they could only eat candy if they were watching a movie; they could only have dessert on Saturdays; or they had to spin around five times before sitting down to eat (ok, I made that one up -- but it's not far off).

When I went to college, I figured I was leaving all the weird food people behind, since if you weren't a dancer and didn't HAVE to be that thin, why would you put yourself through all that mess?  Wrong.  One year I lived with both a compulsive overeater and an anorexic-bulimic.  When the C.O. had an exam coming up, she would bake for about 48 hours straight instead of studying.  Brownies, cookies and muffins would be all over the kitchen.  She would claim that she was going to bring everything to her class to share, but it would disappear without ever going into Tupperware containers or otherwise leaving the apartment.  Once, I made a birthday cake for my then-boyfriend and told my roommates they help themselves to a piece.  The C.O. took me at my word, and ate the entire thing in about five minutes flat.  We came back from dinner and she was standing over the counter, her hand scraping the bottom of the cake pan, crumbs tumbling down her chin.  My other roommate, who had witnessed the scene and was appropriately traumatized by it, pulled me aside and whispered, stunned, "I couldn't stop her...I went in to take a piece, and it was just...gone."

Meanwhile, the anorexic-bulimic managed to exist on vegetable broth and Healthy Choice Ice Cream for about a year.  She always claimed that she had eaten at work (she scooped out bagels for the sorority girls at a local deli/cafe) or was about to meet someone for dinner; but we all knew it was B.S. since she was about the weight of my kneecap, and constantly getting thinner.  Finally, after moving out and getting her own place senior year, she confessed that she had not only been starving herself but also had puked up all that broth and Healthy Choice Ice Cream she'd ever eaten. 

In law school, most of my friends had normal, healthy eating patterns.  There were still crazy skinny girls, though.  They all hung out together in a crazy skinny group.  They were nice girls for the most part, but I knew they were deep in competition with each other -- not over anything relevant, of course, but to see Who Could Eat the Least.  You'd see them taking tiny spoonfuls of yogurt in the cafeteria or daintily chewing wee bites of dressing-less salad in a neighborhood cafe or speed-walking to Tasti-D-Lite for their only meal of the day.  And then they'd be in the gym for three hours, elliptical-training themselves into a skinny frenzy.

Now, when I meet new women who could potentially be a friend, I know I have a landmine to get through before we can move into anything resembling a close relationship.  Having been a rice cake nibbling, dry cereal-eating girl in the past, I now can't stand to sit across from a girl who claims, "I'm SO craving a burger" and then, after I've ordered the Cheeseburger De-Luxe Platter (with a side of mayo for the fries) and a beer, orders a mixed green salad (small, with vinaigrette on the side) and a glass of water (extra ice, to help burn calories).  Or announces that their meal will cost them two extra hours at the gym the next morning.  It makes me want to stab myself with a fork. 

I mean, really.  I'm not pro-obesity by any stretch; I'm just about moderation and balance (at least in this one area of my otherwise neurotic life, finally).  To be so rigid about eating bespeaks a certain lack of zest for life.  I feel the same way about abstaining totally from alcohol (unless it's for post-addiction reasons, or as a designated driver) -- it just seems odd to set up these complex rules for yourself, aimed at denying yourself any pleasure or maintaining an illusion of utter control over yourself, unless you're an ascetic monk. 

Come on girls, can't we all just get over Kate Moss and enjoy ourselves? 

Comments

[chirky]

I'm in total agreement with you. ESPECIALLY that last part about wanting to stab yourself with a fork when you order a burger and your friend orders a small salad after feigning desire for a burger.

My husband and I have issues because he grew up in a family that discussed the nutritional content of the meal AT EVERY MEAL, and by habit, he does the same thing. He's learning, though, slowly.

[lawyerish]

Oh, Lordy! That would be an issue, indeed. Good that he's catching on that speaking about nutrition while eating = total buzzkill!

I had another roommate once who didn't "officially" have an eating disorder, but she would announce the calories and fat contained in everything to whoever was in earshot, or eat something completely innocuous (i.e., salad) and then complain about how she felt HUGE. Like, OH MY GOD, I AM SO FULL; I ATE LETTUCE. Sigh.

Of course, I am not innocent in all of this. I eat pretty much whatever I want, but I still have "fat" or bloated days and lament that my butt feels huge or that I maybe shouldn't have scarfed the WHOLE plate of fresh cookies I just made; but I only make those comments to my husband (and doesn't he feel lucky!). I go out of my way to avoid "body talk" or food conversations with women. Better to keep our female brains engaged with something productive...like celebrity gossip!

[chirky]

Wheeeeee!! Celebrity gossip! One of my favorite topics!

Have you heard of the Gossip Rocks forum?

http://www.gossiprocks.com/forum/