The Ugly Chronicles

Ok, peeps.  Here it is.  A chronology of awkwardness, unfortunate fashion and even worse hair.  And, by the way, this isn't even the worst of it; this is a mere handful of photos that Allison happened to have scanned onto her computer.  I can assure you that things got much, much worse.  There was a spiral perm.  There was Vision Street Wear.  There were acid wash jeans. 

And yet, these capture enough dorkiness to sufficiently demonstrate why I was voted the Ugliest Girl at Space Camp. 

By the way, I have questions about the picture I posted yesterday.  Why was I wearing a gold belt over an untucked shirt to Sunday school?  Why didn't I brush my hair before I left the house?  And was that supposed to be a "bob" haircut of some kind?  That photo, by the way, I believe dates to sixth grade, or possibly seventh.  Seventh grade being the year I went to Space Camp, so...yeah.  I don't think anyone's really doubting my title anymore, now, are they?

Moving on. 

Here we have Allison and me on a hike with her parents.  We're in about fifth grade, I believe.  Maybe sixth?  Note the Members Only jackets we have tied around our waists.  Note the "painter's cap" I'm wearing.  It is checkerboard and has "Washington, DC" scrawled across it in a rockin' '80s font.  I am not bald, incidentally.  Just wearing my hair in braids, as I was wont to do.  Sort of like, um, Laura Ingalls Wilder. 

Here we are on another hike, and we may be out of order here; I think this is the year before.  I still have the same awful glasses, however (they were...ahem, Flintstones glasses -- Dino, to be specific -- and they were plastic tortoiseshell and WAY too small for my face).  They were my first glasses, which I got in third grade and wore until early sixth grade, by which time they looked like pince-nez.  The eye doctor finally stepped in and gently suggested that my mom get me some new glasses.  Ones that fit.  Naturally, I replaced them with...blue plastic glasses.  As you can see, I also had a weirdly chubby face even though I was lanky and had legs up to my sternum.  I suppose we all have our crosses to bear.  Also: visor. 

Aaaaand, more visor action.  This is at Girl Scout camp, where I am proudly displaying a badge for some exceedingly geeky thing like archery or ceramics, and Allison is making a mockery of my shining moment. 

Well, people, that's about as cute as it got before things veered sharply downhill.  And then we arrived at the nadir.  Eighth grade.  Post-spiral perm triangle hair, bangs growing out, shiny skin.  I'm no supermodel now, but you know, looking at this photo I can't help but think that I was not terribly unjustified in crying into my diary every night back then that I would never have a boyfriend.  It did seem awfully unfair -- and still does -- that some girls skated through junior high with shiny hair and pert features and perfectly proportioned bodies.  I'm not sure I gained any greater character traits as a result of being unfortunate looking, either.  Just bitterness.

In high school I smoothed out my hair and my face slimmed down; but the high-waisted jeans and geometric patterns of the day didn't flatter much, so I don't come out much better in photos.  The following picture hearkens back to this story, the story of the church ski trip and the Ette.  Here, I am expressing my displeasure at the dismal wallpaper.  And wearing an Esprit sweater that's almost as bad as the room decor. 

I feel like I have to put a decent shot of me here just to prove that I came out ok, that I'm not sitting here with a head of greasy triangle hair. 

Whew.  It wasn't easy, all those years and years of awkwardness.  Luckily, I am still clumsy and a homebody and sometimes socially stilted, so it's not like looking like a normal human being has gone to my head. 

Comments

[Jurgen Nation]

VISION STREET WEAR!! ESPRIT!! Oh my GOD, those were the days. Did you have to have a new Esprit bag EVERY year for school? And: Vuarnet. Did you have to have all the shiny iridescent windbreakers, too.

AARGH!

Also, you're gorgeous. You definitely can burn that old diary because you are PRETTY.

[-R-]

The Girl Scout picture with Allison in the background- OH MY GOD. I laughed so hard that I could not breathe.

Your 8th grade school picture is really not that bad, and you are definitely hot now!

[Leah]

Sorry to rain on the parade, but your eighth-grade picture is cutecutecute and now you're hot--not just "decent."

[-R-]

I keep coming back to check out that Girl Scout picture. Cracks me up every time! It is really Allison's face and not you (or your visor) that makes me laugh. Sorry, Allison!

[jonniker]

Oh man, this is the greatest thing ever, really it is. You're so cute! And very, very beautiful now, and much more so in person than even those photos show us.

[CPA Mom]

I have VERY similar geeky pictures. Alas, I did not turn out beautiful like you. Thanks - it's nice to put a face with a name, even if the only name I have is Lawyerish. Hugs!

[Lacey]

Oh my gosh, you are so pretty! And didn't we all cry ourselves to sleep in middle school? We didn't know any better in grade school, and lived tortured lives until high school when we started to grow into ourselves. You've inspired me - would it be OK if I did something similar?

[Mauigirl52]

I had to post and say how much I emphathize with you! Anybody who says your teen years are the best years of your life has to be crazy.

Thanks for posting the link to the previous post on the ski trip. You totally confirmed my innate instinct to never ski in my life. It was something some of my friends did when I was young and it just never occurred to me to do, but I always wondered if I'd missed anything. I would have had exactly the experience you did because my lack of athletic prowess is phenomenal. Thank you for validating my decision! ;-)

[Heather B.]

I think there's some rule that if you ever attend Girl Scout camp you end up spending your formative years looking like you can't dress yourself. But of course you won't notice how terribly un-cool esprit sweatshirts and high wasted jeans are, until much later in life. Too late, as was the case with me.

As I said yesterday; one tends to look better or at least is able to get dressed and realize that not everything should be monogramed, with time and age. The advent of Sephora helps as well.

[guinness girl]

Holy crow, you're freakin' stunning, Lawyerish. :)

[Em]

Ugh, why was middle school so damn hard?! 7th grade could not have BEEN any worse! I remember I got these very unique shoes for Christmas. I liked them. They weren't trendy but I thought they were presentable. My friends called them Moccasins and laughed at me for months. Whatever. i still wore them. :)