Touch of Evil

So.  I was going to try to come up with some witty segue into this, but I can't.  I can't make light of this, because it so extremely messed up.  Remember this guy?  He shot three people, and was killed by police last week. 

I know, right?

I remember vaguely seeing something in the paper last Thursday about some shootings in the Village on Wednesday night, but I didn't read the article or follow up on the coverage later in the day.  But when I shuffled out of the bedroom on Friday morning, my husband, who had already read the morning paper, led me to the couch and told me to read the Metro Section.  "Just read the whole thing," he said.  "It'll freak you out." 

I sat down, still groggy and tousled, and gazed uncomprehendingly at the headline, something about four lives intersecting in violence.  I flipped the folded section over.  And I saw it:  a photo, in profile, of a man with dark, thinning hair.  He was shouldering a large video camera.  My jaw dropped.  "Oh my God," I muttered. 

I knew right away it was him.  I skimmed the articles, reading the chilling account of his execution of three innocent people, and his ultimate demise under a hail of police gunfire.  I felt sick.  I read the quotes from the two actors who had starred in his film -- the film in which I had been cast until he learned I was married.  They talked about how he had seemed unstable during the shoot and how he had stalked the lead actress via e-mail after the filming was over.  I pored over the sad stories of the victims.  And then I sank into the couch, thinking back to my brief but bizarre contact with this person several years ago.

The thing is, I generally perceive the world to be a safe place, a place inhabited by inherently good people.  Even when I meet someone who seems off in some way or who triggers a gut response of avoidance and caution, I tell myself to give them the benefit of the doubt, not to jump to conclusions. 

With this guy, I had that "avoid! avoid!" alarm go off after our initial e-mail exchange, but I calmed myself with rationalizations -- he seems lonely, he's probably harmless, he's enthusiastic about his film -- and when I met him in person at the audition, it kind of solidified that picture of him in my mind:  a lonely, introverted guy who had gotten into filmmaking as a way of meeting people.  A guy who bought himself some expensive equipment and learned about scripts and lighting and editing, and who then parlayed this expertise into interacting with people who are trying to break into the acting business -- that is, attractive, young women.  He had a shy, slightly defeated air, although once he was behind the viewfinder of his spiffy movie camera, he became animated with his newfound authority and control.  He seemed odd, perhaps, but not threatening.  Not dangerous.  At least, not to me -- but I was out of contact with him almost as quickly as I had gotten into it.  And thank God, really, looking back now. 

In the wake of a sudden, sick tragedy like this, people search for answers and explanations that may not exist.  In retrospect, I can't say that I could have predicted this -- I mean, of course not.  You don't go around assuming that anyone has the potential to become homicidal, right?  But while I never expected to open the paper and see this, the fact that I opened that paper and saw this about this particular person, out of everyone I've met in my lifetime...well, it makes more sense than it would if it were almost anyone else with whom I've crossed paths. 

The denouement of his life (and his death) crystallized, in hindsight, a series of events and hunches that only now add up to the profile of a killer.  Of course, now I can point to certain quirks or oddities of personality and demeanor that hinted at something more than strangeness, something sinister and violent.  Now, with the storyline complete, I can say that I have in my hands a few tiny pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of a stranger's psyche, one that ultimately veered into darkness.  If only those pieces could have been helpful to someone before the end of the story played out and three other lives were lost. 

The horror of this, the randomness and unpredictability and madness of the whole thing, has left me and my trust in the world, and in the inherent goodness of people, a bit unsettled.  Unsettled -- but not shaken. 

Comments

[Suebob]

Wow. Yikes. Man.

TRUST THOSE INSTINCTS - that lesson comes back to me over and over again. We have them for a reason.

[cathy]

Oh. My. God. That's unbelievably creepy and terrifying.

[Laura B.]

Whoa. Definitely let this be a lesson to all of us to trust our instincts. That is crazy. Just crazy and so sad. I am glad that your path diverged from his so quickly.

[sognatrice]

I hadn't seen that previous entry--creepy then, but now? Just wow. And I doubt you need it, but just another reason to thank goodness you're married.

[-R-]

Wow. Sometimes I feel bad for trusting my "that person is creepy" instinct, but this is a definite reminder that it is ok to trust your instincts.

Unsettled is definitely a good word for this.

[Jamie]

I have friends who make fun of me for taking a different route every night while walking the dog, and tease me for counting how many people (male and female) there are on any given block I'm walking...but stories like this are the reason why I choose to protect myself by being as alert and aware as possible. Thank God you trusted your intuition and didn't get involved with this guy on any level. As much as I don't like to think about it, some people out there are just monsters. Yikes. So glad you are safe!

[Em]

Chills.

[jonniker]

I just can't get over the inherent creepiness of this whole situation. CREE. PEE. It's HORRIBLE. It's SO SO HORRIBLE OH MY GOD.

[magpie]

Wow, creepy. What a weird small world. Creepy.

[Lacey]

Wow. My god. I'm so glad that you didn't have more contact with this guy. I'm also glad that more people weren't hurt or killed. This is one of those times you thank god for intuition. And also listening to it.

[guinness girl]

Holy whoa, Ish! I remember reading the story of your experience with that film, too! YIKES. Thank God for intuition, indeed.

[Beth]

Coming out of semi-lurk mode to say...I have no words. So shocking.

[Mauigirl52]

Wow. I've been following the articles on this guy because I always wonder what kind of person does something like this. So I had just read a long article talking about the creepy e-mails he sent the other actress in his film, and the picture he posted of himself to her apologizing for things he said/did. And to find out you actually met him and had this experience with him is so weird. How creepy. You must be so glad you didn't get involved in his film.

[metalia]

Oh my god! That is insanely frightening. Way to listen to your instincts; I literally have chills right now.