Pausing Between Mouthfuls

It's been a good day for stuffing my face.  We went to Chinatown to have Vietnamese for lunch in celebration of Tet, which comes along this Thursday, taking us into the Year of the Rat.  I feel like the Rat is going to be good to us, in spite of the many horrid connotations I have with rats as a city-dweller (I've only seen them, mercifully, on the subway platform and sometimes -- eep! -- on sidewalks, skittering along like furtive cats...occasionally larger than cats {shudder}). 

Anyway, there's no way to acknowledge the Lunar New Year like shoving banh cuon (rice crepes filled with ground pork) and bun thit nuong (grilled pork over rice vermicelli) down your gaping maw, washing it down with Vietnamese iced coffee.   After a stroll through the Chinatown flower market (lamer than expected), we went home to put together a massive spread of gloopy foods for the Super Bowl (for, ah, just the two of us, because we are extra-cool).  I jump at any excuse to eat snacks for dinner, especially if such snacks include pigs-in-a-blanket.  And chips, many chips.  {burp}

So, it doesn't get much more random than this, but the other day I read Swistle's post about her, how shall we say, unusual phobia of large things underwater, and it inspired me to confess a similarly quirky fear of my own.  In fact, I don't even know if it is aptly called a phobia, per se -- it's more like a highly specific revulsion.  You know when something makes your hair stand on end just to think about it, and if you see it, you kind of feel like you might have to take a sledgehammer to your own head just to get the image out?  Do you know what I mean?

I've always referred to it as something that "makes me feel gross."  I can't even describe the sensation I get from it, except that I feel kind of crawly and liquid inside and out when I see this...this THING that I am about to identify.  And if I were forced to look at it too long, I might pass out or simply lay down and expire, my throat having closed up from the SHEER GROSSNESS of it all.

Ok, so here it is (taking deep breaths):  I hate clusters of small, round things.  Or of holes.  Like a honeycomb {bile rising in throat}.  Or (BLARGH) those pictures of viruses they had in your high school biology textbook?  All those spheres lumped together?  AAAAAAH.  Or the seeds inside a pepper.  Or, OMG, I remember seeing this picture in the Guinness Book of World Records when I was a kid of this guy who smoked like 158 cigarettes AT ONE TIME, and they were just this...CLUSTER OF ROUND THINGS sticking out of his mouth, and the image, it still haunts me.  OH WAIT.  I just remembered in 9th grade bio when we dissected a fish, mine...mine was carrying eggs, and when I cut it open there was just this GIANT MASS of round things in there and I almost dove out the nearest window.  Someone pass the bleach, I need it for my brain. 

I had no idea this was, like, a Thing (and I wouldn't have even known what to call it; every once in a while, I just point at something and say to my husband, "That makes me feel gross", and then I hope he doesn't divorce me on the spot for Undisclosed Weirdness), until a few months ago, when I saw a reference to "cluster-phobes" on some website, and when I Googled it, I found that there are other people out there with this affliction, oh my hell. 

Some of the people on the Unusual Phobias website even make reference to this UTTERLY HORRIFYING thing I saw years ago on the Discovery Channel, this film of this frog that...that...well, it gave birth to tadpoles OUT OF ITS BACK, and these circular welts burbled up in its flesh and then popped out into little balls, not unlike Gizmo after he'd been splashed with water in "Gremlins."  I recall crying out and hurriedly changing the channel, but again, the image is burned in my brain, lurking to startle and nauseate me at the slightest provocation.  Just writing about it makes me need to have a lie-down, oh MAN, it was so sick. 

And to think, I've been suffering in silence all these years, but in fact there are people out there who are just as messed up as I am.  Where in the world do you suppose this sort of idiosyncrasy comes from?  I can't remember a time that I didn't feel this way, but I can't think of any specific thing that might have triggered it.  I wasn't, like, plunged head-first into a wasp's nest as a child or anything.  The brain works in mysterious ways, I guess, but this trait is especially useless and is in no way endearing.  It's just...weird.   

So...uh...having confessed this, of course I now need to know what YOUR secret phobias are.  Help a sister out, now.  Don't leave me hanging out here in my weirdness!      

Comments

[jonniker]

HAHAHAHAHA, I've never heard of such a phobia! Why have you not mentioned this before?

I mean, I'm not laughing at you, for I understand strange phobias (see: large things underwater, that's me!) The thing with the large things underwater is that I am afraid they're going to GET me if I get into the water (and for some reason this also translates to visiting Sea World. I started CRYING at the dolphin exhibit when they were visible under the water in the tank.)

What about the clusters bothers you? Are you afraid they're going to eat you?

I don't know why I'm exploring this, I'm just curious.

Also: I'm eating a pig-in-a-blanket right now. We also had pizza rolls and taquitos and chips. YUMMAY.

[Swistle]

Yes, "unusual." Good word. You know what would freak us both out? A LARGE cluster of small round things UNDER THE WATER!

[Mandee]

I can't really think of a phobia (maybe rodents), but mayonnaise always makes me feel gross. The smell, the texture, that [schlop] sound it can make when it is stirred. Ugh. I have to stop now.

[Lara]

Hello! I'm here via jonniker and had to comment because OMG, yes clustery things - blergch!

Just last night I had to look away from a picture of coral because all the bitty pieces are so....clustery? I felt ill and almost panick-attack-y and thought "well, jeez, now I think I understand those people who are afraid of mustard".

I mean, it's ridiculous, I'm not *afraid* of these things but they squick me out so incredibly much I start to physically squirm.

I laughed at bleaching out your brain - that is exactly what I told my boyfriend I needed to do after watching (a very short part of) that Half-Man Half-Tree show? Was I grossed out by the fact this man's hands and feet look like TREES? Not so much. But the new one growing, this warty thing that looked like coral with it's 10 or so little bits all, well, clustered and almost swaying or something? URGHHHHHHHH.

Man, why did I just do that to myself. But yeah, good to know I'm not the only one?

[Jane]

OMG I can't believe someone else is repulsed by honeycombs and stuff like that. It just makes my skin crawl. You are the first person I have found that feels that way. And fish/frog eggs? Don't even go there. Caviar? Blech!

[Tina]

Certain fibers get to me, the way they feel. When I rub them between my fingers it is like there is frisson in the back of my head. Particularly scratchy acrylic, smooth acrylic is fine.

[Miss Cee]

Boo, I don't have any weird phobias I can confess to. A fear of clusters is COOL. Um, I get frightened of things happening when I've just seen them on TV. I watched an episode of Supernatural the other night where a bloke's hand gets chewed off by a sink disposal thingy, and there was the blood and the screaming and the grinding sound, and it was all rather horrible. I didn't want to go near the sink after that, even though we don't actually have a sink disposal thingy. Because in my head I could see it, all too vividly, rising up to eat my hand. But the next day I'd forgotten about it. I have 24 hour phobias.

[Suebob]

My fear of snow is well-recorded on the internets, is it not? I live where the average year round temp is in the 60s, so I have little reason to encounter snow. Snow up on the mountains at a distance is quite pretty. But I do not ever want to be where it is snowing or might snow. Because HOW WOULD I SURVIVE? Snow is by its very nature freezing cold and dangerous. The last time I was snowed on was in Tahoe in April and a few tiny fuzzballs came down - I woke up my BF and yelled "We have to get out of here! It is SNOWING!" I have heard that some people like snow and even go to vacation in snow territory, but I am unable to independently confirm this as I will never go there to check.

The other thing is deep water. I used to swim a mile a day in the deep end (for decades) but I had to start each workout with my head out of the water, kicking and hyperventilating. Then I would do a length holding the kickboard and glancing down in the water, then with the kickboard and my face in the water, and only then could I begin to swim and start looking down at the scary deepness. It always felt like I was going to drown, even though I swam for 45 minutes a day...

The clusters? Not so much but that cigarette photo is pure terror. Awful.

Thanks for letting me go on.

[Sarah]

Snakes. Of any kind. Even the fluffy pink stuffed cutsy ones send me into panic mode. Not such a secret phobia, since it's pretty common, and frankly I'm scared/paranoid to the point where I'm afraid they'll crawl out of books or off the TV or through the glass and come at me. The rational part of my mind knows this isn't possible, but the rational part of my mind also just shuts down completely. But yes, completely and wickedly scared of snakes. Any sort.

[MsPrufrock]

I don't have a phobia of clusters, but I do hate the word "cluster" with a passion. I also hate the word "moist", and my friends have a habit of making regular references to "moist clusters", which, quite frankly, I feel ill even typing.

Is it possible to have a phobia of an action, rather than an object? I have an intense surprise phobia, and my absolute worst nightmare would be a surprise party. Ew. I had a colleague who used to pop balloons left over from birthday festivities by putting them in the recycling bin and pressing down on them until they popped. I would try to prepare myself for the inevitable noise that would create, but no dice. Every single time I'd jump out of my skin. Thankfully, she's taken a position elsewhere now.

[nancypearlwannabe]

Your most made me alternately hungry and repulsed. I didn't even know I had a phobia of groups of round things until you started talking about the frog with the egg sac on its back and I felt like hurling all over my monitor. Happy Monday morning!

[Shelly]

Ok, my phobia is vomiting. Not someone else vomiting, but ME vomiting.....it's a serious problem.

Mosty, it's related to the flu---non contagious vomiting (such as drunken vomiting) bothers me, but not to the point of distraction as 'catching' vomiting.

I sometimes feel like I don't function well when those around me puke.....my husband is the 'puke taker carer of' at my house. Only once have I cared for my own children while they were vomiting....I feel like such a bad mom......I clean obsessively w/ bleach if someone in my house is sick w/ a stomach ailment....and if someone at work is sick, or has been,I use tissue to touch common surfaces.....they are used to me by now, and I TRY sooo hard to not make the puker feel bad for my weird phobia....but they don't even TELL me anymore.....because they want to protect me. I WANT TO KNOW so I can take protective measures......

It's a screwy phobia and it totally messes w/ me. Oh, there is an OFFICIAL name for it too....emetephobia.

[Erika]

Ok, let me just say that my flesh is crawling and I did not, COULD NOT, finish reading this post. Ewwww!

[Lawyerish]

OH MY GOD, THERE ARE MORE OF US.

Cluster-phobes, unite!!

I love all of you, with your many quirky phobias. Keep them coming. This is fascinating, and I feel like we're all learning a little something. It's like group therapy. For TOTAL FREAKS LIKE ME. (I kid!)

And SueBob: It is snowing here RIGHT NOW. Eeeep!!

Shelly, I can't blame you; I am not good with puking, either. Yecccch.

[-R-]

This is not a phobia, but I do not understand when people are like, "Look at this totally gross thing!" No. I do not want to have that image in my brain. Even if I am a little curious about it... no. Once you see it, you can never un-see it. My old roommate used to try to make me look at this gross picture of elephantitus (sp?) in one of her textbooks, and she could not understand why I wouldn't ever look at it. I do not want a gross image seared in my brain!

[rachel]

Wow, clusters, huh? I've never heard that one before. Now, I can't say that I understand your phobia, but I know exactly what you mean about having images fried into your brain forever.

My phobias are pretty common I think. I suffer from a seriously debilitating case of claustrophobia. I can't even allow my blankets to wrap around me too tightly or I'll literally freak out. Also, large bodies of water, particularly the ocean, scare the bejeezus out of me. Oh, and sharks. I swear up and down that if I step one foot into the ocean I'll be eaten immediately.

I'm not very much fun to take to the beach.

[Jamie]

God, where do I start? I, too, share Swistle's fear of large underwater things/beings. Even in swimming pools. Yes. I'm that big of a wuss.

Also, I cannot STAND the feel of suede. It gives me unpleasant body shivers like a reaction to fingernails on a chalkboard. Ick.

My biggest phobia is leaving dark places. Growing up, the light switches in our basement were on the lower level - so I'd have to switch the lights off then go upstairs with the dark at my back. I don't think I ever walked calmly up those stairs - I always ran. Always. I still do sometimes.

[Jessica V]

Nothing as interesting as clusterphobia but I am claustrophobic. But not like most Claustropobes. I am fine with being in a small place by myself. I freak out when I am in a small place with lots of people. I can not stand when I am in an elevator that is comfortably full and then impatient people shove in and your are body to body. (my muscles are tensing as I write this) My thought is this, "don't squish more people into an elevator that you want to be stuck with for an hour or more". In other words if there are more people than could possibly sit down (if we were to get stuck) or we are so close I can smell you it is too many people. Am I the only that this makes sence to? I mean seriously, how long would it take to wait for the next elevator. It is NOT a volkswagon stuffing competition!

[Allison]

As I just said in my email to you, this post made my skin crawl. Clusters. UGH. Okay, here's what skeeves me out: when you are dealing with raw chicken legs, there is this yellowish, clustery, I would say, part where it was attached to the chicken originally that is DISGUSTING looking. I don't know what it is but it looks like scales or something.
Another phobia is touching the bedspread in a hotel. Or the curtains. I've seen one too many expose TV shows on what may or may not be on there and EW. Really, the thought of sleeping in a bed that OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SLEPT IN grosses me out too but I try not to think too much about that. And putting my head on a pillow that other heads have been on. :shiver:

[melissa]

Wet wood. Horrible. In particular (and I can hardly bear even writing this), the idea of chewing on popsicle sticks, or even worse, two popsicle sticks rubbing together (or eating ice cream with those horrible little wooden paddles -- just about the ONLY thing that will make me refuse ice cream). Or wooden mixing spoons. Or drying a wooden mixing spoon, or two wooden mixing spoons rubbing together...

I literally have goosebumps on my arms right now.

[Kari]

I have heard this one if pretty common, but breaking teeth or teeth falling out generally.

I can barely type that, it skeeves me so.I hate it when I am watching a movie or television show and there is some teeth-related action (usually after a fight) without warning. I am almost instantly curled up in a fetal position.

[Beth]

Eyeballs. And the way my teeth feel (rough) after I eat spinach. Hate, hate, hate.

[Melissa]

mens leather wallets - eck. They totally gross me out. And eyeballs too - sometimes when my husband wants to get me angry he touches his eyeball - I scream.

[Mymsie]

I have the cluster phobia too, which up until now, has been indescribable. I will point friends and family here for a peek inside my turbid mind.

[Carrie (in MN)]

This one's not too weird, but I am phobic about fire to an embarassing degree. I went through years where I couldn't even light a match. Now I can do that, but I can light - at most -one candle per match before I have to blow it out. Even my kids mock me.

[AmyJami]

taxidermy.

jesus wept.....taxidermy.

i have dreams of being in a room surrounded by full body mounts of various wildlife and the lights are all off. WAY off in the distance, i see an open door to another room with a light on so i can see the silhouette of each animal....and i can hear my children screaming for me. and usually, there's no way that i can get to them because it involves walking through those full body mounts and them looking at me and TOUCHING ME.

isn't that horrible?

if we're in a place that actually HAS taxidermy? people have to go in before me and tell me what's above the door, to the sides of the door, etc. and if it's above the door, they have to hold the door open and stop all traffic so i can RUN into the center of the room.

my skin is absolutely CRAWLING now...i need my mommy!

[Suebob]

I came back in a fit of voyeurism...I am with Beth on the squeaky spinach teeth. Not a phobia per se, but still gross.

And Carrie - I still have never lit a paper match. I don't think I could. I lied my way out of college chemistry lab because of the bunsen burners. Sitting in front of a cozy fireplace...um, no.

[Dinamyte]

Wow, I never heard of cluster phobia before. :) I have an irrational fear of knives. I think a mild fear of knives would be normal and probably advantageous from an evolutionary standpoint (haha). But I generally refuse to keep anything in my house sharper than cheap, dull Target steak knives. When I had to buy a new set of knives this year, I could only find a full set with the big cleaver and everything. I bought it, but the larger knives are never allowed out of the wooden block and I pretend they don't exist. I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach just thinking of them in my kitchen right now. Anyway, I know why I am afraid - I always get awful mental images of someone: (a) dropping the knife and it piercing something, or (b) chopping food and cutting their hand off, or (c) letting the knife slip from their hand so it goes flying through the air and lands on someone's eyeball, or - worst of all - (d) turning around and unintentionally stabbing someone in the abdomen. When I'm with someone who's using a big knife, I have to cross to the other side of the room to get as far away from the knife as possible. I guess I'll never be able to be a chef. :)

Also, speaking of teeth, you know how sometimes when someone is chewing, their top and bottom molars will rub against each other and make this high-pitched squeak? Ugggghhhhh. Another sound that I HATE HATE HATE is the squeaking of styrofoam. Triple uggghhhh.

[Carolyn J.]

While I can't think of any phobias, I can think of some things that bring on the grossed-out feeling. I'll write about it on my own blog instead of takin' up your space.

[Julie]

I can't believe it! I have the cluster thing, TOO! I thought I was alone in the world.

It's the worst when I scuba dive. I'm okay now with anemonae and coral (as mentioned above) but I can't possibly think about octopus tentacles without shuddering. And getting way too squicked out.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!!

[Lara]

Clusters, huh? How fascinating!

My fears of things are pretty normal (as far as the actual objects of my fears are concerned), but it's the extent of my phobias that make me a weirdo. I TOTALLY FREAK OUT if there's a bug near me (or, god forbid, on me!). And bikes. Lord, how I hate bike-riding. I mean, I don't get afraid of other people on bikes, but myself? No thank you.

[orooni]

At one of the parks we take our dogs to, there are trees growing on the rocky banks of a creek. The roots of the trees are growing around the rocks, to the extent that the rocks are actually embedded in them, and the sight of it causes me deep discomfort.

[Christine]

Hi, I actually stumbled across your post when I was googling this phobia! This is exactly what I have haha it's nice to know I'm not alone

[kari]

i have a phobia of small round things, .. i cant eat peas beans or sweetcorn and i cant wear any jewelry with any kind of beads on it ..its got so bad i dont even like saying the word beadds, ha ,,i get the pissed rippd outof me for it..its so annoying and embarassing!!

[Pinky]

I have that funny thing with clusters too. Oh especially those things that wasps are in! They are white and flaky looking. There was a couple of circles of them by my car and I almost passed out. I started to itch from head to toe. Those one things that stick to fur freak me out to. It comes off of some kind of plant. Its round and its clusters and clusters of pricky things. I saw a dog that had a bunch of them clusters up in its fur. That drove me nuts looking at it. It was like my brain was about to explode. My skin is crawling just thinking about it. I also have this phobia of huge objects up in the air. There's this cell phone tower that was made to look like a Evergreen tree. That THING is so freaky looking. It supposed to blend in with the other huge trees but it doesn't. It just looks all wrong. I avoid drving down the street where I can see it because it freaks me out so bad. Also one time I was on a freeway and one of the American Flags was let down low enough to where's you could see how extremely huge it really was. It blew in the air across the freeway from one side to next side. I was going nuts inside of my head from seeing it. Then today I was going down a busy intersection and I had to go under this bridge. Bridges don't freak me out at all but for some reason, this bridge did. It had these two huge beam arches parallel to one another. The arches went high up in the air. I wanted so badly to close my eyes while I was driving. Too bad I had to pay attention to the road! Seeing that was so horrible to me. I'll never drive down that road again! So I have two things that freak me out and make me wanna go nuts...small clusters of things together and huge things up in the air. Ok now that I've said that shoot me(just kidding) because now those images are back in my head and it's killing me!

[Jackie]

I too have cluterphobia... I'm so glad I found this!

My mom and I have always joked about it.... we can't look at the underside of ferns because of the little spore clusters, I cant look at close-ups of osteoporosis because the porous bones freak me out, spider eggs....

It really is quite frightening sometimes.... Glad to know there are more of us out there :]

[Holly]

OMG!!! I have the same phobia...have you ever seen "tree man" google image search it - it's DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!! I am so glad I found someone else who shares this phobia with me. I hate cobwebs, corn, coral reef, sponges, bubbles, ICK!!!!!!!! You get the idea. I was literally googling "round things in clusters" and came across your page. Thanks for making me laugh that I'm not the only weird phobe out there! :)

[Lauren Leigh]

Oh my gosh.. I don't even know when this was posted or if you will even see this... but not only do I have clusterphobia, but I also have it with pretty much all of the same things as you!!! I am getting goosebumps thinking about that DAMN frog which I also saw on TV a while ago. One of the worst things I have ever seen in my life.. It scarred me forever!!! And the cigarette picture.. ahhhhhh!!! I actually get itchy thinking about it... A friend of mine went to a car show in the city once and saw someone with a skin condition that he decided to describe to me at work one day.. basically, he said that this guys nose was so covered in bumps that it looked more like corn kernels than a nose.. and then to make matters worse, he said that it looked like "they" were BUDDING out of his nose... I actually got so itchy (subcontiously) that I scratched my arm until it was bleeding... I never even did that before, but it really bothered me... This thing affects every woman in my family and NOONE else seems to get it.. I think its genetic.. but the thing is, I don't know how people don't see it... its awful, and I don't even know why. It just is!!! I read a few blogs and some people are even bothered by their own teeth in their mouth because there are alot of them all together... I wouldn't say that my phobia goes that far, but when something bothers me, it really bothers me.. I get all uncomfortable and goosebumpy and just feel wrong. I really think that the world should pay more attention to this because what the hell is it???? I am meeting more and more people who get it too.. But YOU... you seem to have every single one of my quirks... when I read it I was really right there with you getting all grossed out and disturbed.

haha... even the word "cluster" bothers me now... it a psychological thing I guess.

[mlmaffiliate]

Online pharmacy MLM affiliates program is one such example. Pharmacy products, such as Viagra and Cialis, are always in high demand and you get a very good commission when you and your affiliates make a sale.

[C Dancel]

Sorry for replying to such an old post but your description of how clusters make you feel is just too perfect. I've never been able to verbally capture the feeling clusters give me. It's like there isn't a word for the emotion that it brings forth but you have come tantalizingly close. Thanks for sharing; I feel slightly less weird now, but only slightly.