Every Day Like Christmas

Until Thursday's ecstatic turn of events, I went to bed every night with a dullness of mind and spirit, a sense that, even though the next day could be The Day, it probably wouldn't, because I'd been thinking that for so many consecutive nights that the fulfillment of that hope no longer seemed possible.  Then there was Tuesday, officially The Low Point, with the announcement of the new DNA testing policy.  That day, I went home and told myself that I had to plan for the possibility of a life without the baby we'd been dreaming of for so long. 

Last week, our program director had told me that she knew of a few referrals that she expected the staff in Vietnam to send to her soon.  She didn't know if any of them were girls.  We've had this conversation lots of times over the past year, so I didn't dare hope that there would be a healthy little girl for us in that bunch. 

On Wednesday, not having heard further from her and feeling entirely beaten down by the new, impossible DNA procedure, I called to try to wrest some more information from her.  She knew how desperate I was feeling, so she promised to ask the staff to tell her, once and for all, if there were any girls among the expected referrals.  She told me that she didn't expect to see them this week, anyway, because the staff was still finishing up the paperwork and had told her she would see them "soon."  "Soon" often meaning weeks, not days.

Thursday morning, I slogged into work feeling leaden.  I emailed our director again and asked if she'd heard back yet about a girl referral.  I didn't hear back from her right away, which was not surprising since she is pretty much constantly fielding emails and phone calls from anxious parents, especially this week with the awful announcement from immigration. 

At 12:30, I went into a lunch meeting.  My secretary was out on vacation that day, and my husband was in a deposition.  For months, every time I stepped away from my desk, I'd been telling my assistant, "If anyone from Dillon calls, FIND ME AND GET ME AND KEEP THEM ON THE PHONE UNTIL I CAN TAKE THE CALL."  But this time, there was no one to alert, and I didn't see a need to do so anyway.  (Could I possibly sound more pessimistic?  I know.  It had just been a dark few days, I swear.)

At exactly 1:00, I got an email from the program director saying, "Hey, we have tried to call you, at what number can you be reached?"  When I opened the email on my BlackBerry, I LEAPED out of my chair, almost knocking it over, and RAN out of the conference room, apologizing for bailing on the meeting and saying, "I have to take this call; I think it might be THE news!"  I literally sprinted to my office and saw my voicemail light blinking on my phone.  I listened to the message, and when I heard the words "We are calling about a possible referral for you" I was all OH MY GOD and my hands started shaking and I dialed Dillon's main number like someone in the throes of the DTs.

I got the receptionist and asked for the Vietnam program assistant.  Her phone rang and rang...and then I got her voicemail.  AAAAH!  Then I called back and asked for the program director...and got her voicemail.  I called the receptionist a third time and said, "SorryIkeepcallinghehhehhehbut GET SOMEONE IN THE VIETNAM PROGRAM TO PICK UP MY CALL RIGHT NOW" and I am fairly sure she now thinks I am psychotic. 

FINALLY they picked up -- I actually thought I would die of coronary distress if they hadn't; I would have had to get on a plane to Tulsa rather than sit there WAITING for a return call -- and I managed to take some notes with my trembling hand as they told me about this baby girl, OUR BABY GIRL. 

My whole body was vibrating and my throat was dry and I remember her saying what province our baby was in and that her medicals looked normal and I was all, "IS SHE CUTE?" (because, first things first, right?) and she said yes she's cute and the latest weight we have is 16 pounds but we don't think that's right, she doesn't look 16 pounds at all and I was thinking SHE IS LOOKING AT MY DAUGHTER RIGHT NOW HOLY CRAP and then I asked, "Will she fall under the new DNA policy?" and, miracle of miracles, she said no, it doesn't look like it as we have no information on her birthparents.  (Thank you Grammie, for goodness sake -- you really, really did it for us and a proper thank you note will be forthcoming if I can figure out how to deliver it to Heaven).  I think that may have been the first time I teared up, although it wasn't much -- all along, I've been expecting to have a torrential meltdown upon receiving The Call, but it didn't happen; mostly I was just so SHAKY and IN DISBELIEF and DYING TO SEE HER WEE FACE.

So then she said that she had to send us the medical information first and we had to look that over and THEN we could see her picture and I was all, YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME, I have been waiting A YEAR to see this child's face, but she told me she wouldn't go to lunch yet so I could look it over and get right back to her and then she would send the photos. 

The five minutes it took for the email to come through was the longest part of the wait thus far.  While I was waiting, I emailed my husband with the subject line, "Can you come to my office, Daddy??"

And then the email came and it was a PDF of the social work letter, which doesn't contain medicals OR photos, and then I died.

So I called her all in a sweat, I DON'T SEE MEDICALS YOU ARE KILLING ME WOMAN.  She apologized and I said PLEASE PLEASE SEND THE PHOTOS TOO OR I WILL HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and she finally relented and I promised I would look at the medicals first (which I did, I am a good girl) before going all swoony over her picture.  I got the PDF and read through her papers and then I sat there WAITING for my husband.  WAITING AND WAITING.  He wrote back to my email, "Holy crap!!!!!!!  I am stuck in a deposition!!!!"

And then I died some more -- I had pretty much sweated through my shirt at this point -- and finally he came running in and I told him I had waited for him to look at her photos and the medicals looked fine and then we opened the PDF of her pictures and were all, "Ohhhhh!" on the bottle photos and then "OH MY GOD SHE IS BEAUTIFUL" when we scrolled down to the other ones.  My husband has been terrified through this whole thing that we would get some awful referral photo and that our baby would not be the cutest ever or some such thing, so he was astonished and kept saying, "We got a cute one!  She's so cute!  She's really really cute!"

Then we called my mom, and I said, "Mom.  I have some news about the new DNA process.  Well, it's not going to apply to our daughter.  {dramatic pause}  WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!!" and then I am pretty sure all of you heard her reaction from wherever you are, and then it was probably on your local news and in your hometown newspaper, for I believe she has contacted every media outlet in the nation to announce that her grandbaby has been revealed to us and she is beautiful!

I spent the rest of the day calling people and emailing people and gazing lovingly at our child, this gorgeous child to whom I feel an immense connection already, and if anyone had come to ask me to do some work, I would have punched them in the face.  And THEN we finally left work, picked up Champagne, ordered a pizza and sat down with our name list and the 100,000 Baby Names book and went round and round and could not settle on a name.  We had to sleep on it.

Both of us woke up on Friday morning very early, filled with butterflies as though it were Christmas morning.  I said we couldn't get up until we named our daughter.  We talked it through and went round and round some more, and then we came back to a name we've always loved, and it is perfect.  Just like our daughter.

Noelle Thuy. 

Thuy means "water" and is pronounced somewhere between "toy" and "twee" -- it's sort of hard to describe phonetically, but it was a name she was given in Vietnam that we want to keep.

Last August 1, I wrote this in an email to Dianna:

"I had an adoption dream last night... I dreamt that our daughter was born or something about where she is, but now I can't remember.  I have this feeling like something is getting ready to happen...  (Just in time for my birthday!)"

Sure enough, halfway around the world, Noelle was about to be born and delivered into the hands that would ultimately deliver her to us.  She was meant to be ours. 

Comments

[Allison]

Love her name. Love her. Love you.

[Barbara Malady]

What a lovely name for a beautiful little girl!

[Dinamyte]

You must be much stronger than me, because this post made ME cry. I'm so happy for both of you! What a beautiful girl and what a beautiful name!

[Beth]

Lady, you are making me cry. Congratulations on your beautiful little Noelle Thuy! :) *sniff*

[Newt]

Oh, this made me cry, too! Congratulations, and what a beautiful name and a beautiful baby and a beautiful story, and I'm so happy for you!

Oh gosh, I hope you get to bring her home very soon.

[Leah]

Shucks. Crying again. My favorite part is asking Daddy to come to your office. Awesome.

I have to say, Noelle is the PERFECT name for a ballerina!

[jjm]

Hooray for Noelle!

[Jess]

This post is so amazing it gave me goosebumps. She is truly beautiful and I am so, so happy for you. Congratulations!

[Kelly]

I'm sobbing and so happy for you and yours. I adored Jessica's video, and this post is awesome. It makes me so regret not blogging from day one. it's the perfect thing for your daughter to read when she's 13 and not so happy with life, or you.

You are a momma and we're all so proud.

And btw, from the photo I can tell she is gorgeous, smart and cute! Way to go Grammie.

Kelly

[J]

That is wonderful news, congratulations a thousand times over! She is absolutely beautiful.

[Christina]

What a great story. You'll have to print this out and put it in her memory book and she'll probably make you tell it to her over and over because it is a really great story. And I like both her names. :-)

[Floyd]

A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

So very, very happy for you all!

P.S. Been lurking for some time now but couldn't stand in the shadows any more.

[MsPrufrock]

I cannot fathom how magical and happy that day must have been for you, thanks for recounting it. I'm all teary now, but it is well worth it.

What a wonderful name, and she really couldn't be any more beautiful. Again, congratulations!

[Jamie]

That name is lovely and elegant, and always reminds me of Christmas - which is ironic because I imagine that she is the best gift you have ever received! :) I've been thinking good thoughts for you guys for so long - I am so ecstatic that this is finally happening for you! Congratulations a MILLION FRILLION times over.

[jonniker]

I love all of you so very, very much. Man. Beautiful girl, beautiful name.

[Suebob]

Oh, here I am, crying like...well, a baby.

I wish every good thing for you and your family. What a lovely, lovely story.

[West Coast Grrlie Blather]

Thanks to Suebob (who twittered the link to this post), I'm crying like a baby over your most wonderful baby news. Congratulations to you all and remember, Dawn dish detergent makes the best bubbles (especially if you add a little rose water).

[Nadra]

Love the referral story and I LOVE THE NAME. Noelle is perfect for her.

Congrats again!

[Angela]

Beautiful story, and BEAUTIFUL little girl. Congratulations to you!

[Susan]

Found you from Allison's blog...congrats!!! She's gorgeous.

[Lawfrog]

Congratulations! This is wonderful news for you and I hope you enjoy your little one.

[daysgoby]

Sue-Bob sent me (via Twitter)

I'm SO HAPPY for you! (And you're a perfect stranger!)

But oh! So happy!

(And now I have to go blow my nose before my husband calls the doctor, because I am sobbing and laughing and carrying on - he doesn't get the blogosphere thing)

[Heather M.]

I swear Meredith, it's like getting my own referral...it's that HAPPY!!!! You have endured & waited & have been so good natured throughout...I'm so glad it finally happened! LOVE the name..she is so pretty & you're a true mom because every mom must know beyond a shadow of a doubt that their child is the most beautiful thing ever! CONGRATS AGAIN!
Heather M.

[metalia]

I am CRYING, I am so happy for you all.

[Mandee]

I'm just returning from a long weekend and am thrilled to read your wonderful news. Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us.