Lawyerish

And We're Back!

We did make it to Georgia last Monday, for those who were wondering, and the travel curse exercised restraint by only delaying our return flight by a few hours -- naturally, every flight from Atlanta to New York was on time except ours, and we couldn't get on any standby lists because we had checked luggage and the airline requires some absurd amount of notice before you can fly standby with checked bags.  WHATEVER. 

Christmas was fun, if quiet; we had lots of good quality family time, game time and friend time in my hometown.  My mom and I also had a great spa day -- it wasn't quite the Mandarin Oriental, but it was pretty darn good, especially considering the price.  For almost two hours, I got lubed up with oil, exfoliated with some kind of scrub, soaked in a citrus-scented bath by candlelight, had a full body massage and a scalp massage, then hung out in the steam room for a shvitz.  Not a bad way to spend a morning.

Of course, we also exchanged gifts and I procured some good loot, most of which I very much needed in some way (new purses, a new heavy winter coat, a couple of cute dresses, some reading material, etc).  Conspicuously absent, though, was any glee on the part of a small child, which made the day seem a bit empty.  As much as I love giving and receiving gifts and relaxing with my parents and granddad, I am more than ready to incorporate the kid-centric traditions that I've always loved.  Next year...please, God, let us be able to do that next year with Amelia.

On a lighter note, Allison, David and Maggie are on their way to see us as we speak!  We're going to have several days of fun in New York to celebrate the Old Dudes turning 40 this month.  Woo!  I will actually take some photos of that -- my little digital camera decided to die on me so I got zero pictures while we were in GA, although a bunch of shots of adults hanging around the house in sweats wouldn't be all that exciting anyhow.  But I'll make up for it soon with some great captures of other people's kids.

Finally, because I am a slave to routine, I have to post Sundry's year-end quiz (last year's is here).  Since 2008 has sucked complete ass in many ways, the answers are unbearably depressing, so feel free to skip this if you're sick of my moping and whining.  Despite the continuing dirge, I am doing everything I can to dwell on the positive and continue to believe that the best stuff, the stuff we've all been waiting for, is just around the corner:

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?  I'm trying to think of what new-and-different experiences I had this year, and I'm coming up pretty blank.  Oh, I visited the Pacific Northwest for the first time!  And went to a Neil Diamond concert.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  Eh.  I don't even remember if we made resolutions.  I'm sure we did, and I'm sure they were mostly the same as the year before (and the year before that, etc), and then we proceeded to completely ignore them.  I think this year we won't even bother to make them in the first place.

3. Did anyone close to you have a child?  Yep, some family members and friends either gave birth or brought their kiddos home from afar.  Damn them.  Just kidding.  Heh.

4. Did anyone close to you die?  Yes, unfortunately: my Grammie W. (mom's mother), and my step-grandmother (dad's father's second wife).  They were both wonderful, giving, and very spirited women, and I know they're watching over us now.

5. What countries did you visit?  Mexico for our babymoon (ha HA!) in January.  That was our only foreign travel this year, but we also went to Georgia a couple of times, I went to Seattle last spring, and we went to North Carolina this fall (to visit Allison & Co. and stay at the Biltmore).  Ooh, and there was our one-day jaunt to the Hamptons, courtesy of Cathy and Kevin!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?  What do you think?     

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?  April 4, August 21, and September 26. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?  Not throwing myself off the Brooklyn Bridge.

9. What was your biggest failure?  I don't think I personally failed at much, although the bar was not set exceedingly high.  The goal of each day, except for a few really good ones, has been to continue to breathe and to put one foot in front of the other.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?  A few bad colds, maybe, nothing too notable.  Except a BROKEN HEART.

11. What was the best thing you bought?  I'm pretty happy with the Banana Republic jeans I bought back in August. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?  My dad's, for reasons I will perhaps explain at some future date. 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?  People who did not live up to their promises.

14. Where did most of your money go?  Savings. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?  Bringing our daughter home.  So much for that!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?  No idea. 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer?  Definitely sadder; my weight is about the same, although I feel a little poochy at the moment; financially better off.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?  Mothering an actual child in our actual home.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?  Having shitty things happen.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?  See above.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?  Yes.  You really can fall in love with a picture, in case you're wondering. 

22. How many one-night stands?  I am removing this question next time.

23. What was your favorite TV program?  "The Office."  "So You Think You Can Dance" also ranks up there, but it seems like a thousand years ago that we watched it.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?  THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.  No, not really.  Hating is a big waste of energy.   

25. What was the best book you read?  I just finished Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power of Positive Thinking" over Christmas, and while it sounds very hokey, I thought it was mostly amazing and very helpful.  It basically espouses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but based upon the teachings of Christianity. 

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?  I don't think I had one.

27. What did you want and get?  A built-in wardrobe thingy for our bedroom.  A lot of small material stuff that doesn't matter a whole lot.

28. What did you want and not get?  Sigh...   

29. What was your favorite film of this year?  Uhhhh.  I really liked "In the Mood for Love", although it is from several years ago.  I am drawing a blank on anything else.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?  I turned 33.  We ate cupcakes and I got some presents and the next day the Olympics started, which was pretty exciting.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?  SIGH.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?  Just This Side of Totally Giving Up.

33. What kept you sane?  My husband, my family, my friends and my email buddies.  Yep, same as last year. 

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?  Barack Obama.  I'm sorry, but he is extremely hot, on top of everything else.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?  The election, I guess.  Thank goodness for that -- at least 2008 wasn't a complete failure.

36. Who did you miss?  Allison.  My family.  Also:  baby baby baby baby baby. 

37. Who was the best new person you met?  I couldn't really say. 

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.  Life isn't fair, and sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal and keep hoping for the best.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.  I can't think of a single song lyric, but I think John Irving sums it up pretty well:  "You've got to get obsessed and stay obsessed.  You've got to keep passing the open windows."

 

And So It Goes

For the past couple of days, every local meteorologist has been predicting that today, Sunday, would be a repeat of Friday's wintry storm -- there would be snow, ice, a snow/ice mix, and freezing rain, for good measure. 

Naturally, we were scheduled to fly out today.  Our fate appeared to be one of creeping delays and the inevitable cancellation, of multiple cab fares to and from LaGuardia.  For once, though, we thought we could beat our travel curse; yesterday, we decided to go ahead and try to get on a Monday flight instead.  I spent forty-five minutes on the phone, mostly on hold, but eventually managed, with the help of a disarmingly pleasant ticketing agent, to switch our departure to Monday (for FREE!  score one for Air Tran!). 

Last night we made some soup and watched "Love Actually" and prepared for a day of sitting smugly on the couch while other people scrambled to rearrange their holiday travel plans after their flights fell victim to the icy weather.   

Today turned out to be slushy and wet and cold, but there was no storm.  There was no ice.  Not even a "wintry mix." There was only rain, and a paltry, piddly little rain it was.  And then, about an hour after our original flight took off -- on time, without us -- the sun came out. 

They're predicting high winds for tomorrow.  There is even a "wind advisory" in place.  Since LaGuardia is reduced to one runway when there's even a faint breeze, I suspect we're in trouble. 

Someone, somewhere, is mocking us. 

Tis the Season, Etc.

[Do not be alarmed if you saw something here before that's not here now.  I am imposing a limited-time-only engagement on certain topics/photos, that's all.]

Allison tagged me for a Christmas questionnaire, so here it is, Christmas a la Lawyerish:

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

I can't say with certainty that I have ever had egg nog, although I like the concept of it and I like egg nog lattes.  I do believe that my stomach might not enjoy the real thing too much, however, given all the dairy and eggs it would unleash into my system at once.  So I'll have to go with hot chocolate on this one.  Have you ever had Starbucks' Drinkable Chocolate?  OMG.  It's like a molten Hershey's Special Dark in a cup, basically.  YUM.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

Santa does neither.  Santa places unwrapped presents in and around the stockings, which are hung on the mantle.  Larger gifts from Santa are placed in front of the hearth.  Gifts to and from family members are wrapped and go under the tree.  I guess since we do not have a mantle or a hearth, we will have to improvise when we have little ones. 

3. Colored or white lights?

WHITE AND ONLY WHITE.  No exceptions.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

No, although I am sure I could scare some up if, say, Scott Speedman were ever planning on dropping by. 

5. When do you put your decorations up?

It sort of varies, but this year we put up the tree the second weekend of December.  I don't have any other decorations than the tree, which I suppose makes me a failure.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?

I am a big fan of the turkey dinner with all the trimmings, but so long as mashed potatoes are provided, I'm happy with anything.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?

Oh, that's a tough one.  My parents did so much to make Christmas special that I pretty much remember each one distinctly, and it's hard to preference one over another.  I was just as enthusiastic about the life-sized Annie doll my mom made one year as I was about our surprise trip to Epcot another.  Mostly I love the memory of all the traditions we had, and the immense feeling of anticipation every Christmas Eve that kept me from getting to sleep and compelled me to wake everyone up at 5am on Christmas morning, just aching to run downstairs to see what awaited us all. 

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?

I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

NO.  NO NO NO NO NO.  It would lead to CHAOS.  And ANARCHY.  And the END OF DAYS.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?

White lights, and lots of them; some plain metallic balls (hee); and a small but growing collection of ornaments we've gotten since we got married.  At some point I will have to bogart some of my childhood ornaments from my mom, or we're going to have to start making some bread dough ornaments and the like for Amelia, because the tree needs a little handmade touch to look right.

11. Snow. Love it or dread it?

Love it!  Until it gets all sloshy and disgusting and filled with dog poop.

12. Can you ice skate?

I can stand up and move forward on skates, but I can't do anything fancy and I am generally guaranteed at least one dramatic fall on my kiester per ice skating outing.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?

Again, it's hard to choose.  The adoption doll my mom made me, the Annie doll, an antique German dollhouse, the trip to Epcot, a bike, Breyer horses -- I got a lot of good loot growing up!  Never did get the puppy I always asked for, though...

14. What is the most important thing about the holidays for you?

Getting together with family and remembering the spiritual significance of Christmas.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?

The Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cakes I made last year were pretty durn good. 

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

I love sitting and looking at the tree, which sounds stupid and lame, but there it is.  I also like how we open presents; we go around one by one, read the little clue that the giver puts on each gift and then open it.  It's very orderly and calm and makes the gift-opening last longer.  As a kid, I also loved sitting at the top of the stairs while my mom went down and plugged in the tree lights and my dad got dressed and my brother tried to squeeze in a little more sleep, and then we'd all go downstairs together and see what Santa brought, then we'd have a little snacky breakfast and then go sit by the tree to open all those gifts.  Again, it was all very orderly and ritualistic and I LOVED IT.

17. What tops your Christmas tree?

I haven't found just the right angel tree topper, so right now it's a star.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving?

I love giving gifts, especially if I can pull off a great surprise or find something really perfect for someone.  I do like getting gifts, too, because I am lucky enough to have family and friends who are really good gift-picker-outers, and I love seeing how what they choose for me connects to our relationship or how they view me.  Or something.  Man, I sound goofy.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?

It's hard to narrow down, but what pops to mind would be:  Nat King Cole's "Christmas Song"; Josh Grobin's "O Holy Night" and "The First Noel" (shut up!); and Sarah McLachlan's "River."   

20. Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck?

Eh.  I'm not wild about peppermint.

21. What do you want for Christmas?

To be able to bring Amelia home.  I don't care if I never get another gift my entire life. 

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas party?

We have a "holiday gathering" at work, which I usually try to avoid.  That's it.  I think it would be fun to host a little holiday something, but it's hard to schedule with people traveling for Christmas or whatever and I am lazy, so it hasn't happened.

23. Do you dress up for Christmas Eve or wear PJ's?

If we go to church, we wear decent clothes but not, like, ball gowns or anything, and then we pretty much RACE to get into sweats after that.  No one in my family really wears PJs in the technical sense.  There are no union suits or flannels or anything.  Also, when I was growing up I was always CONVINCED that the house would burn down or someone would break in and steal all of our Christmas gifts while we were at church.

24. Do you own a Santa hat?

Just one for the dog!  Hee.

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?

My family.  This year, as you know, we're going to my parents' house for the first time in ages.  I'm sad my brother and sister-in-law and nephew won't be there.

Dog in a Santa Hat!

Last night we watched this documentary on HBO called "Cat Dancers" and before I do anything else, I have to urge you to watch it if you have cable.  It's RIVETING.  And tragic.  And disturbing.  Think "Grizzly Man" meets Sigfried and Roy. 

Also, since "Revolutionary Road" is coming out in theaters soon (Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, together again!), you should go read the book by Richard Yates to prepare.  I read it maybe five years back, and it is so so so so good.  I'm going to read it again this week, in fact.  And then I will go see the movie.  IN THE THEATER.  ALERT THE MEDIA.

It was snowing when I got up this morning, and I actually gasped when I looked out the window.  Evidently, I have residual Snow Day Excitement, even though I no longer get out of doing anything due to weather.  I guess there's something inherently gasp-worthy about pretty white flakes swirling about, and snowstorms in the city are especially dramatic.  This was just a little flurry, but I still love standing on the sidewalk and looking up into the white sky as the snow floats down and flicks against my face.  Yes, I hate being cold, but I would miss that so much if I lived somewhere warm.

I stayed home sick today and have not budged from the couch except to pee and walk the dog.  I had a mug of cinnamon hot chocolate and a cookie for lunch.  The TV has been on since Regis and Kelly (tomorrow on their show?  TOM CRUISE.  OH YES.  BRING ON TEH CRAZY.)  I've gone through Rachael Ray, The View (ugh), Best Year Ever, a Project Runway reunion from a couple seasons ago, some random HGTV shows that I hardly paid attention to, the Ellen Degeneres Show, Oprah, Barefoot Contessa and now Paula Deen.  It was a productive day.

I also finished my Christmas cards (with a handwritten note in each one -- if we did one of those family newsletters, everyone who got it would be suicidal from the recap of our depressing year), bought a couple of last-minute gifts, finally made a current address list for my friends and family in one place (as opposed to the "hunt for the email from two years ago where I last asked for their address" system), and e-mailed a lot. 

I also had a little photo shoot with Miles in a Santa hat.  These photos will have to suffice instead of our usual family portrait with the dog in antlers and the cat in the Santa hat, both trying to make their escape while we cling to them and try to maintain some sense of order, because that photo was SUPPOSED to have a baby in it this year, and without her it's too pathetic. 

You can tell Miles LOVES wearing a Santa hat.

I'm not sure that I have mastered the 50mm lens just yet.  Or photography in general.

Also, some random ornament shots:

This is a paper angel that I got at the Scandinavia House a few years ago -- they have a great holiday shop with such pretty things:

This is from there, too -- in Denmark, they hang these paper cone dealies on the tree, and fill them with candy.  Ours are empty, but if we ever have some little ones in the house, we'll have Santa put candy in them when he comes:

I will have to do a separate ornament post when we're in GA next week, because my mom has all the stuff from when I was a kid, like my sad little bells made out of paper cups and pipe cleaners and that sort of thing.  She also has this gorgeous little angel ornament that was always my favorite and every year I got to hang her on the tree.  For years, we haven't been able to find her -- probably since I was in college -- but this year when Mom was getting out the Christmas decorations and weeding through the old ornaments, she found the angel, a little rumpled, in the bottom of a box.  We're taking it as a good sign. 

Absent

Someone seems to have removed my central nervous system.  I'm feeling rather numb these days.  Numb and humorless.  And stupid.  I wrote some Christmas cards today and it's entirely possible that I addressed them all to the wrong people. 

I'm going to hazard a guess that it's some kind of coping mechanism, that I am emotionally hibernating.  I appear to be on autopilot, so at least some reptilian part of my brain is operational -- I breathe, I eat, I get on the subway, I compose emails and perform necessary work functions, I silently repeat my mantra-like prayer 24-hours a day -- but everything else is in the "off" position.  I'm not much for conversation and am prone to staring off into space for long periods of time. 

I'm great fun to be around, as you can imagine.

Every once in a while, a thought pops into my head about What Might Happen, and whether it's a best- or a worst-case scenario, I stamp out the thought like a small brush fire.  Nope, don't want to feel anything right now!  Go away!  Come back later, thanks. 

The best case is too enticing, too joyous, and thinking of it only provokes the worst case to eclipse it, reminding me that what I've been dreaming of all this time, all these years, might never be.  But I can't think about that, either, or I'll have my head in the oven, so I am better off thinking of nothing at all.  I'm allowed to hope, yes, but I can't dwell on what I'm hoping for too much.  I've had that hope taken away once already, and if it happens again I can't even think of the bleakness that will ensue.

So I watch the first couple of seasons of "The Office" on DVD, because being paralyzed by Michael's awkwardness and fretting over Jim and Pam (seriously, what did she EVER see in Roy?), and read my Little House books at night before bed, and the time passes.  The days go by.  There are good things, of course, nice little moments and a pretty tree and cuddling with the dog, and I'm not unhappy, really -- well, yes, a bit, but not completely -- just kind of...out of it. 

Then sometimes hope taps me on the shoulder again and I start to think, maybe we will have a miracle soon.  Maybe we'll get that Christmas surprise after all.  Maybe...  I let the thought stay for a while, swish it around a little, and amplify my prayers. 

When in Doubt, Steal

If you're in the mood for a good chuckle -- and who isn't, these days? -- go  read this piece from the New Yorker.  Here's an excerpt:

"I’m trying to say that I just don’t think I can do this—this being a weekend guest, this protracted socializing. It’s a strain on me. You think I’m devil-may-care and chatty and entertaining enough for an entire weekend, but really I am not. Really, I am just not up to this.

What are we going to do after breakfast? Go into town and shop? Where is town? Is there coffee there? Maybe I could go there now and get some coffee, a nice hot paper cup of it, just to tide me over.

After we go shopping or whatever, are we going to have lunch? I don’t like to admit it, but I’m not one of those people who say, 'I had a big breakfast, so I’ll just grab a snack for lunch.' I never just grab a snack for lunch. I like to have a big breakfast and a big lunch and a big dinner. But I can’t figure out how to say that to you in so many words."

Good stuff. 

As long as I'm bogarting other people's humorous essays, and since it's the Christmas season and all, if you haven't seen it before I must urge you to read David Sedaris's "Six to Eight Black Men."  The first time I read this, we were on vacation in Italy and I sat on my lounge chair in Amalfi and laughed so hard I almost peed myself.  All the potbellied, sunburned Germans in Speedos started to stare as I harumphed and snorted and guffawed. 

"What kind of Santa spends his time pretending to kick people before stuffing them into a canvas sack? Then, of course, you've got the six to eight former slaves who could potentially go off at any moment. This, I think, is the greatest difference between us and the Dutch. While a certain segment of our population might be perfectly happy with the arrangement, if you told the average white American that six to eight nameless black men would be sneaking into his house in the middle of the night, he would barricade the doors and arm himself with whatever he could get his hands on."

Yep, that's all I've got tonight.  We're just full of rip-roaring fun and originality around here! 

Eh Eh Eh

I'm slowly meandering toward the holiday spirit.  It's tinged with sadness of course (Christmas Number THREE sans child since we started the adoption process), but I'm trying to focus on the positive and all that jazz. 

Meanwhile, there has been some present-buying and some tree-decking (see above, another blurry special from my BlackBerry camera, as pointing and shooting the DSLR is somehow too much to ask at times).  Also some trip-planning; we had originally intended to rent a car and drive to Georgia so we could bring the dog, but Joe balked at the idea of sixteen hours in a car each way (I can't imagine why).  He did not grow up in a road-tripping family as I did -- we would have scoffed at a mere 16 hours in our trusty Malibu Classic station wagon and could easily have covered the New York-Georgia corridor in a day, without so much as a Cracker Barrel stop.  So we're flying (AirTran, eek) and the dog sitter is, thankfully, available to stay with Miles. 

It'll be the first Christmas in Georgia in AGES -- I think the last time we had one there was when I was in my first year of law school -- which is exciting.  We'll be able to see Allison and Co. and some other hometown friends who will have made the pilgrimage back South for the holiday, some of whom I haven't seen in almost ten years, plus my Granddad is coming and my mom and I are going to go for a spa day, which may be worth the trip in itself.  I can't tell you how badly I need a massage right now, good Lord, the KNOTS and the TENSION could KILLLLLL.  AND I get to have my hair cut at my hometown salon, which is even MORE worth the trip!

THEN, after we get back, Allison and Co. are coming here for New Year's to celebrate our Old Dude husbands' 40th birthdays, which are this month.  Since they are Old Dudes, after all, there won't be any ballyhoo or anything, but probably there will be wine and Carvel cake and Balderdash, which is even better. 

Separately, I noticed a couple of weeks ago that I have a weird...THING going on.  The fingers of my left hand are wrinkled ALL THE TIME.  They look sort of like I've been soaking in a tub for hours, except it's less pruny than crinkled.  Or creased.  And now my right thumb is getting into the action, so it appears to be spreading.  Naturally, I Googled it and now I am convinced that I have a wasting nerve disease.  You'd think it would be a sign of dehydration or similar, but that appears not to be the case.  It's freaking me out. 

But at least it's yet another thing to distract me from the waiting. 

On Britney

I watched the Britney documentary the other night (I mean, OF COURSE -- didn't you?), and the most shocking part of it was Madonna's face.  I don't know what she's done to herself, but her face is now approximately eight sizes too small for her skull.  When she spoke, I was afraid that the whole thing was going to rip open and flap down around her neck in shreds like a popped balloon.  It was like she couldn't even open her mouth wide enough to get the words out or she might involuntarily molt. 

Seriously, it was so disturbing.  It was beyond the flounder/wind tunnel look (see: Mary Tyler Moore); it was more like...a Face/Off look, where she was maybe someone else's body but with Madonna's face transposed onto their head like a mask.  When will the madness end?  When will celebrities come to the realization that they look much, much worse with all this plastic surgery than without it?  Give me a few wrinkles over a wax dummy/reanimated corpse face any day.

The Britney interviews were not as revealing as they would have you believe, but the film was well done on the whole.  The score and cinematography were actually very artistic and compelling, as if they were depicting something with much more gravity than a pop star.  She didn't really explain much about the head-shaving and all of that, and a lot of times she speaks in vague platitudes, so you're left sort of wondering what the point was, except to promote her new album under the guise of a confessional. 

When she got emotional during the interviews, prompted by a disembodied British voice (I'm sure it was Martin Breashears, though I missed the first few minutes so I can't be positive), it was hard to pinpoint just what was upsetting her -- and it's not that I feel entitled to know every motivation or inner conflict that Britney Spears has ever had, but if the film is supposed to be a tell-all to set the record straight and have her bare her soul, well...let's see some soul-baring! 

On the whole, honestly, it was very sad.  I cannot even fathom having to live like she does, where she can't even step out onto the street without being mobbed by hundreds of paparazzi.  I think those people who follow her around to make a living off her daily existence are really sick -- they're like parasites, and if I had to push my way through all those jackasses with cameras just to make a Starbucks run, I would pull a Sean Penn on a regular basis and end up smashing a lot of Nikons and even more faces. 

Plus, she's such a young woman; can you imagine if the darkest and most humiliating moments of your 20s were filmed and dissected and seen by hundreds of millions of people?  I think lots of us would have ended up having spectacular breakdowns, too.  So for those things, I really feel for her.  She's ultimately this very simple, almost child-like person, and while I don't see her as a victim, I think she was turned into this massive phenomenon that spiraled her into a much larger existence than she could handle.  She's had to figure herself out -- and make all the mistakes you make when you're doing that -- on a world stage. 

I'm rooting for her, as weird as that sounds.  Say what you will about her over-produced vocals and cheesy lyrics, but she's quite a performer and there's something irresistable about her.  I saw her in concert almost exactly seven years ago!  It was awesome, I swear.  I mean, there wasn't much actual singing, but the performance was fantastic.  She's got a rockin' bod, she's a decent dancer (although I think they need to give her lower heels and better-fitting costumes, because her moves have looked a little stilted lately) and there's that undeniable girlish fun element to her.  She's not going to cure cancer or anything, but how many of us are?

I just wish the poor girl could go to the market without a security detail of ten burly men and 85 photographers chasing her down.