You'll never guess what I did last night. I went out to New Jersey and met up with a long-lost friend, and we went to see (dun dun DUNNNNN) Little House on the Prairie: The Musical.
Dude. DUUUUUDE.
There were no songs with the word "wagons" in the title, but there were wagon wheels on stage, along with plows and a somewhat conceptual wood-frame house (which had a door, yet the actors never used it; they just sidled in and out through the invisible side wall -- the hell?). One thing that was not on stage, much to our chagrin, was Melissa Gilbert, who has been playing Ma throughout the national tour but was allegedly felled by a back injury during the prior evening's show. SIGH. The understudy was fine and all, but hello? Melissa Gilbert, people. Part of the reason we wanted to SEE this thing. FAIL.
Aside from that, the show was...well, how to put this. It had a certain "Waiting for Guffman" quality to it. The staging involved a lot of moving in slow motion, like pioneers bending against the stiff prairie winds and migrating west...in slow motion. And Almanzo driving his Morgans in the Fourth of July race, which was accomplished by the actor holding onto some reins tethered to the front of the stage and slapping them against the ground while leaning back and doing wide-legged squats...in slow motion.
Aside from that, the show was both overly long (running time: TWO AND A HALF HOURS) and too rushed, like they wanted to cram in every possible episode of the Ingalls family's life in De Smet, so there would be about five seconds of dialogue (and/or slow-mo action to swelling music) and then they'd launch into another song. A bit of editing would have been appreciated.
Some of the performers were really good, like Pa and Ma's understudy (SIGH) and Mary (who, contrary to the books, wasn't blind when they left Plum Creek but instead caught scarlet fever in De Smet, which just WASN'T RIGHT); but Laura was rather grating and had an extremely shrill voice that made it sort of impossible to like her character. She seemed to play her as about eight years old at the beginning and by intermission she was suddenly a teenager and ready to move to the Brewster settlement to teach so that Mary could one day attend the Iowa College for the Blind.
Also, OMG, NELLIE OLESON. The girl who played her looked EXACTLY like Alison Arngrim from the TV series and played her, to a cartoonish degree, EXACTLY like Alison Arngrim did on the show. They had her do this absolutely ridiculous musical number when she sees the Ingalls girls outside the schoolhouse and makes fun of them, and I guess it was supposed to be like Tori Spelling's pratfalls and slapstick in "90210", some comic relief from all the high drama (here, the Pioneer Hardships and Laura's Journey of Personal Growth), but it so did not work.
I mean, there were lots of familiar moments from the books, which were kind of fun to see brought to life, but on the whole it could have used some...refinement, I guess. We, ah, left at intermission, feeling that we'd gotten a sufficient taste of the thing and didn't need another hour and ten minutes. But I'm glad I went, first and foremost to reconnect with a fabulous friend, and also because I otherwise would have always wondered how the musical depicted my favorite series. I think if we'd had a couple of little girls to take with us in calico dresses and sunbonnets, it would have been more palatable. MAYBE.
Which reminds me, if they ever revive "Annie", we'll be the first in line for tickets.

Starting with the title and continuing all the way through, this post was TEH AWESOME.
Posted by: Swistle | October 11, 2009 at 09:24 PM
this reminds me when i saw an amateur production of anne of green gables. i knew the books by heart and was hyper-critical because of that, and i loved it. loved it! i was ten. that said, i might go see it again. for old time's sake. and to cringe.
Posted by: beyond | October 11, 2009 at 09:49 PM
My friend who took his daughter to the production in MN had a similar reaction, but his daughter LOVED it.
Posted by: -R- | October 12, 2009 at 09:30 AM
The description of Almanzo is all at once hilarious and horrifying. And I'm not just saying that because I am a Fabin...
Posted by: jive turkey | October 12, 2009 at 10:09 AM
As you might know this production started in MN, where Ingalls Wilder lived at a certain point in time...we were so psyched. And I was SO DISAPPOINTED when we went. it's no better with Gilbert, I promise you. I feel every word in this post.
Annie, strangely, ran in this town right after that, and I also felt that the lead in Annie had a shrill, unlikeable voice, and that was my childhood favorite movie...I enjoyed it but it could have been better.
Posted by: willikat | October 12, 2009 at 09:50 PM
You saw it! Finally! I'm sorry; I should have warned you it probably wouldn't live up to your hopes. I'm guessing you got the same Laura we had here. I found her annoying and shrill as well. As least we got Melissa Gilbert, though. Overall, I didn't dislike it, but I would have had a better time watching a marathon of "Little House" reruns and saving the fifty bucks.
Posted by: Stefanie | October 12, 2009 at 10:36 PM
Just had to say that I was (slash AM, *sigh*) a huge LHOTP fan, both in the books and the tv show. My daughters are also big fans, and in fact went as Mary, Laura, and Baby Carrie for Halloween last year: calico dresses, prairie bonnets and all!
My other favorite childhood obsession? Annie.
Posted by: Marie Green | October 12, 2009 at 11:09 PM
I'm betting the actor who plays Almanzo has really quads and glutes. ;)
Posted by: lizgwiz | October 13, 2009 at 02:45 PM
I saw the title and thought, "Oh, she found out she's having a boy and is naming him...Gilbert?" Not that there's, uh, anything wrong with that.
Posted by: Amy K | October 14, 2009 at 02:19 AM