Well, That Was Fun! Let's Not Do It Again.

My body decided to shake things up on Monday evening, and I took a little detour on my way home from work to the Labor & Delivery triage unit. 

(Spoiler alert!  Everything is totally fine.  No need to scroll to the end!)

I'd been sitting calmly at my desk all day, drinking my usual 80 liters or so of water, and around 4 in the afternoon I noticed that my belly was ROCK HARD.  It wasn't painful or crampy or anything much other than ROCK HARD, but the Internet told me that if the ROCK HARDness continued even after rest and hydration, I should call my doctor.  So I pounded about three additional Camelbak bottles of ice-cold water and tried to relax my abdomen while my brain immediately went to the place of TOTAL AND UTTER PANIC.

When the clenching hadn't subsided after about an hour, I decided to give the hospital a whirl, because what could be more fun than a tour of the L&D ward at almost 24 weeks pregnant?  Since I am a bit, uh, prone to paranoia -- especially when it's been more than a couple of weeks since my last encounter with someone of the OB/GYN persuasion, and at this point it had been fully three! long! weeks! -- about these things, I figured they'd give me a breezy wave and tell me it was something along the lines of "trapped wind." 

Well, it turns out that even if you cop to being a neurotic mess, they take these things pretty seriously, so after filling out a form and talking to the triage nurse, I found myself on a gurney wearing a hospital gown with a contraction monitor on my belly.  I also had the infinite pleasure of a...um....manual internal exam to check my cervix (yowzas!) and some internal ultrasounds.  The monitor showed that I was, in fact, having mild but fairly regular contractions, so they put me on an IV as the super-hydration from IV fluids usually makes them dissipate. 

Which, in fact, is what happened (apparently 83 liters of water in a day is not always enough to keep the contractions away).  And so, after several more internal exams and ultrasounds over a few hours, it was determined that the contractions were not, like, REAL ones, just fakey-fake Braxton-Hicks (or Toni Braxtons, as my friend calls them); so they weren't having any effect on my cervix or the baby. 

(Apparently, this is what my life has come to:  open and frank discussion of my cervix on the Internet.  Well, as I said to Joe as he helped me hover over a bedpan when the doctors -- both of whom were younger than I am, which made me feel rather inadequate and underachieving -- needed me to empty my bladder so they could, you know, access things more easily, and since I was hooked up to an IV and a monitor, I couldn't exactly make it to the actual bathroom, per se, in pregnancy you have to leave your dignity behind.  Because me hovering over a bedpan is the LEAST humiliating thing he's going to witness before all of this is over.

Which brings me to another point:  thank God I am married to a man who is not the least bit squeamish about bodily grossness.  I'm not sure how couples stay married who refuse, for example, to burp or...other things...in front of each other.  Because, dude, you're in this for LIFE.  At some point, seriously disgusting things are going to emanate from BOTH of your bodies, and you might as well acclimate yourself early on.  Right?  And pregnancy turns you into a one-woman band in all sorts of ways, so if you can't let loose in front of your partner, then what are you going to do when your legs are splayed out and sweat is pouring off you and A LIVE HUMAN BEING -- along with all sorts of viscera and blood and, yes, POOP -- is shooting forth from your loins?  While, believe me, I want Joe up by my HEAD during those crucial moments in the delivery room, I know he's not going to be horrified or grossed out beyond all repair, and I won't have to feel embarrassed or weird about what might happen, since at that point I will have plenty else to think about.  Hooray for that.)

Anyway, so after all of that, the attending physician came by and confirmed that everything was cool, that I WAS NOT in pre-term labor or anything even resembling it, and that I could and should go back to my usual daily activities, including exercise and work, but I should do so while drinking STILL MORE WATER (I did not think it was humanly possible).  And on Wednesday we went in for YET ANOTHER ultrasound, as they wanted me to get an Official Cervical Measurement from an u/s tech with the super-fancy machine, which double-confirmed that there's absolutely nothing remotely laborish going on and everything is all sealed up, nice and tight, as it should be.  This made me very happy.

Plus, we got a bonus look at the baby, who is, according to their voodoo high-tech machine thingy, 1 pound, 6 ounces (as compared with a mere 10 ounces just a month ago), and hanging out in butt-down position with one of her feet clear up by her face (future contortionist! sweet!).  We got to see her suck her thumb (awww) and wave her arms in the air (or, um, amniotic fluid) like she just don't care.  Man, I love this kid. 

The upshot of this little adventure is that I'm feeling more relaxed (I also have a regular monthly appointment next week, which is even better), and also VERY much like I need to pee AT ALL TIMES, since I am now consuming a small lake's worth of water every day.  As I am kind of picky about my water, we have invested in a tremendous amount of bottled Evian.  Yes, it's wasteful and bad for the environment (though we recycle!), but if it keeps me out of L&D for about 16 more weeks, I'll live with the guilt. 

Of course, now I'm wondering if drinking buttloads of water out of plastic, non-BPA-free, full-on phthalate bottles could be a problem... 

After all, there has to be SOMEthing for me to worry about. 

Comments

[Marieka]

So glad to hear that everything turned out OK!

[Swistle]

I had my finger on the mouse ready to scroll when I got to your spoiler. Whew. I really, really am happy for spoilers at times like this.

My favorite line: "Apparently, this is what my life has come to: open and frank discussion of my cervix on the Internet."

[Marie Green]

So, during my most recent pregnancy, I started contracting at 28 weeks. I had 13 contractions on hour and 14 the next (while we were waiting for the OB to call us back re: the first hour). They wanted me to come in right away.

I got there, contracting all the while, got gurneyed up and all that jazz, and just before they started any of the fancy-smancy monitoring I suddenly needed to pee.

And after I peed... NOTHING.

That's right, ladies and gents, I made my husband drive me 30 miles and checked myself into a hospital... TO PEE.

I'm so glad things turned out fine for you! How scary!

[-R-]

I'm so glad you and the baby are ok.

I totally agree with you on the burping (and other things) in front of your spouse.

[Sundry]

Oh man, scary! We had to go to L&D with Riley because of 2nd trimester bleeding, and it was so awful. (But I learned what fetal hiccups felt like during the visit and resulting ultrasound, which was cool!)

I had not-painful, but intense Braxton-Hicks with both babies that felt like 1) my abdomen getting super hard, and weirder, 2) my head getting an upside-down-headrush almost dizzy feeling. It was sort of creepy and I thought I was imagining it until I had a technician confirm that it wasn't totally unusual during trial-run contractions. Blood getting squished out from the uterus and such.

And that leads me to this: WHY do so many mothers react to a pregnancy story by hurriedly telling their own? I CAN'T HELP IT.

PS: Whew, and yay, and squeeee for YOU GUYS.

[nonsoccermom]

Glad everything is okay!! I had similar situations with both of my pregnancies and it was very scary so I'm glad the wee peanut is still safe and sound where she should be!

[kathy]

Poor you! Poor Joe! You must have been a wreck! Sounds like you guys need a prebaby vacation.

[Lawyerish]

Marie - That absolutely killed me. Here's the thing: from what I observed with the monitor the other night, the contractions can be brought on by insufficient hydration, but then they can ALSO be brought on by a full bladder. So basically, you drink a ton of water to keep them at bay, but as soon as you need to pee they can come back. Confound these infernal riddles!

Linda - Dude, I WELCOME other people's stories! It is so reassuring to know that (1) I am not the only one to go to L&D in a panic; and (2) that one can have weird/unsettling things happen and end up with a PERFECTLY FINE delivery and baby.

[glenna]

I feel for you!! I've been there...except mine was preterm labor. It's definitely scary stuff! I was told about the massive liquids too, but they told me it didn't have to be ALL water, which is why I turned to tasty 32oz icees and lemonade in addition to the water.
You're right about pregnancy and there being no time for being modest. Joe is in for much more. :)
Both of my girls gave me scary, roller coaster pregnancies, but they both came our just fine. Hang in there Momma-to-be...you're doing great!