Getting Through

I've just taken down our tree and Christmas decorations, and I've ordered a few post-Christmas sale items (socks, mostly, because that's how exciting I am), and in less than 24 hours I will be back at my desk, feeling like the two weeks of vacation and all the holiday fun are a distant memory. 

January and February are always rather bleak, but this year they seem all the more like an inconvenient, cold and cruel two months that stand between me and The Main Event of 2010, so I'm trying to think of things I have to look forward to in order to get me through.  I'm now at 28 and a half weeks, and I waffle wildly between feeling like there is TOO MUCH TIME LEFT, CAN WE HURRY IT UP (not to mention wondering, um, where is all this going to GO, because things are already rather crowded and LARGE up in this body) and having moments where my feet sweat because GOLLY MOSES there will be a tiny human living with us in ELEVEN AND A HALF WEEKS (or thereabouts).  Aieee!

Which brings me to a side point:  it's amazing how anything motherhood-related brings out the "just waits" in people.  You know, the well-meaning comments of, "Oh, you think you're uncomfortable and big NOW; just WAIT til you're six MORE weeks along and the baby's head is wedged behind your ribs!" or "You think having an infant with the flu is bad?  JUST WAIT til she's a teenager and you have to battle with her over curfew!"  

I consider myself to be open and welcoming toward advice of just about any kind, so long as it's not condescending or rude, and I DO love hearing about other people's experiences in great detail, both in "real life" and on this here site (and other people's blogs, obvs).  I don't mind cautionary tales or previews of miseries to come; I am happy to hear them, in fact -- life's rich tapestry and all.  I think it's how it's PRESENTED -- there's something a little deflating about having it suggested that one's current woes (or triumphs, as the case may be) are ultimately irrelevant because they pale in comparison to some moment that's in the offing.  There's also a quiet undertone of one-upmanship in these statements -- you think YOU have it bad?  Listen to what I have to SUFFER! 

Of course, I am downright POSITIVE that I've delivered "just wait" speeches and advice to people on countless occasions, intending in some way to bolster their mood or perspective by showing them that, actually, things aren't so dire and they should buck up!  Because there's plenty of suckage down the line!  So, along with complimenting people more (which is such a small and easy thing that can boost my and another person's mood, but I don't do it nearly often enough), I'm going to work on not doing that. 

And let me reiterate that YOU should please keep sharing your advice and stories here because I LOVE THEM, and I'm not talking about ANY OF YOU ALL with regard to the "just waits"; you're consistently terrific and supportive and great.  Just to be clear.

So anyway!  Back to what I have to look forward to in the next couple of months, before this baby thing turns into a crazy reality: 

-- a new season of "The Bachelor."  It's going to be classless and horrifying and virtually unwatchable.  I know this.  Yet it's just the sort of train wreck that moves the time along.  AND it's on Monday nights, which are usually met with a high level of demoralization (so much of the week left!), so that is a bonus. 

-- a "baby bump" photo session with Laura!  My mom got us a whole maternity and baby photo package with her (which I had ALSO thought to get for Joe, but she beat us to it, because she's awesome), and I can't wait, because I love Laura's work and we've been online buddies for ages so I am dying to meet her.  I need to schedule this ASAP, before all of my clothes stop fitting and I become less cute and more "oof, that looks like it hurts."

-- MLK weekend.  It's not much, but I'll take it. 

-- birthing class.  I doubt we'll go for any kind of specialized classes (Lamaze or Bradley or whatever), but my doctor has a midwife who teaches a childbirth class right there in the office, and from what I've heard it will be a hair less, uh, dumbed down than the classes at the hospital.

-- hospital tour.  I just noticed on this info sheet that my doctor gave me back in the first trimester that I'm supposed to schedule this THREE MONTHS in advance.  Right.  Oops!  Hopefully they'll be able to squeeze us in.  Although between friends having been on bedrest and given birth at our hospital AND our fun-filled peek into L&D triage at 23 weeks, I am relatively familiar with the facilities, and I imagine when the time comes we'll figure it out in any event.

-- interviewing pediatricians and maybe hiring a doula.  Also checking out this store called (I kid you not) the Upper Breast Side to get nursing supplies and advice. 

-- "A View from the Bridge", which we're going to see in late January, starring Liev Schreiber and Scarlett Johansson.  I made sure to get us seats on the aisle to accomodate my need for constant bathroom access.

-- the Olympics.  The winter Olympics are a little meh for me compared with the summer ones; still, athletic feats and figure skating and the like will be fun to add into the mix, especially since I will practically be pinned to the couch under the weight of my own body by then.

That's...mostly it, I think.  If you have any great ways to make the winter months slide by quicker, please share.

Aaaand, picture time!

Looking washed out and rashy-faced and frizzy-haired while opening presents (these weird, red, scaly patches on my chin and cheeks WILL NOT go away; I'm going to ask my doctor about some kind of cortisone cream when I see her next, as the Internet tells me that even topical steroids should only be used under STRICT MEDICAL SUPERVISION during pregnancy, gah):

Making Pioneer Woman's mashed potatoes (OH SO GOOD; all other mashed potatoes are dead to me now) and also making a really weird face:

Tree, presents, cat:

Test-driving the Slanket:

Miles trying out the new dog bed we got him for Christmas:

Miles disregarding his new dog bed and test-driving my Slanket for himself:

28 weeks, 2 days:

Comments

[Marie Green]

Oh, man, the "just waits" drove me crazy too, and I STILL occassionally hear myself saying them. Luckily, I mostly catch myself and redirect, but still.

Also, as a doula, and as a woman who's only given birth with the help of a doula, I'd (um, OBV.) strongly recommend one. If nothing else, the hospital staff gets a very clear "I'm educated about birth" signal from anyone with a doula along, so they will err on the side of full disclosure, which is helpful. =)

I'm guessing these last 2 months will both DRAG and FLY for you. The end of pregnancy is weird that way, yo.

[beyond]

my sil just had a baby (who is so precious!) and i briefly met their doula who seems amazing. let me know if you want her info. (my sil gave birth at a renowned nyc hospital, but she says the nurses and lactation consultant are... um... not so helpful. maybe a great doula truly is a good option?)
miles almost sold me on the slanket! and you look adorable with that baby bump...
*happy new year!*

[Christina]

I would have loved a doula. Esp. with my first. Live and learn.
I think I'm also guilty of the "just waits" - how very annoying of me. I shall add that to my list of things not to do in 2010.

[Julie]

I would have loved a doula for the long wait we had to bring Bennett home. Dillon should look into providing those. LOL!!!

Winter Olympics are my fav. How can you not enjoy a sport named "Skeleton". And of course there is always drama in figure skating. It's like a live Soap Opera.

Just 11 more weeks and Little Miss will make her debut. 2010 is the year of "the baby" for you and Joe.

[Swistle]

Oh, the "just wait"s!! Ack! And they NEVER END. One of my friends who had a baby about a year ahead of my first one used to say when I was pregnant all those just-wait-until-he's-born things, and then when he was born and actually it was OKAY AFTER ALL, she switched to just-wait-until-he's-a-toddler, and when that was ALSO okay she switched to "Just wait until you have TWO." And then if you have two and THAT'S okay, the just-waiters can't be happy until you're dreading their teenage years.

I found that have FIVE children nipped most of it in the bud, though I do still get the wait-until-they're-teenagers stuff.

What makes me happy about winter is something I just thought of today, which is that now that we're IN it, it's a steady path to spring. That's the problem with fall: winter is just ahead. But during winter, each day that passes is another day of winter gone.

Okay, so it's not much, but it's what I've got.

[Jen K]

Okay, so I've never mentioned how much I adore Miles from afar.

Also, I'm of the same mind as Swistle, each day of Winter brings you a day closer to SPRING!

Your baby bump rules.

Happy New Year.

[Laura]

Yay!! I totally can't wait for our photo shoots!

[Mauigirl]

Great pictures and you look wonderful! Miles is always adorable. Hope 2010 brings you a wonderful baby and that you don't have any "just waits" to deal with!

[Gaby]

About the signing up for the tour three months out, I obviously don't know your hospital's schedule, but I was advised to sign up for birthing classes by the end of my first trimester, and I only just now signed up (I'm firmly in second trimester now), and I had my pick of the classes. No lie, the woman scheduling it was flipping through her book, and each time I'd say tentatively, "Um, is the April session still available for X class?," she'd chirp, "YEP!" So, again, I don't know how busy your hospital is, but I think they advise us pregnant people to sign up early to avoid a bunch of harried, huge ladies showing up the day before their due dates!

As for getting through the next few months, I have the benefit (?) of having a February birthday, which is about the only reason Feb. is worth looking forward to. This year, I told my husband I'd really like to go to a certain restaurant for my bday, so maybe you and Joe can plan something similarly low-key to look forward to? Just an idea.

[Sharon Jorgenson]

Well just so that you are updated about the important things pending Baby's appearance both the quilt and the stocking have now been started and I am having a BALL with both!! Stocking is challenging which is great and quilt is JUST SO MUCH FUN that I think I may just keep it???

[Sharon Jorgenson]

BTW - was at the hospital only 20 minutes before Brian was born and induced with Nathan and still only took 4 hours! Natural both times as epidurals weren't given at that time. Piece of cake and would have had more if you didnt have to raise them also!

[Ris]

Oh I hate the "just waits" or really anything that feels/sounds like oneupmanship. Annoying. But yay for winter olympics. One thing that always helps me get through the January/February blahs is remembering that now the days are going to start getting longer again.

[kathy]

Don't listen to any of the "just waits"! You are blessed and so lucky and it will be wonderful beyond belief. Even if you don't get to sleep for a year or two!

[Christine]

I don't have any "just waits" because I have no babies to base any sort of experience on...but yeah, I can imagine things getting a whole less comfortable, BUT now you have a slanket to alleviate the pain.

Oh, here's a thing to look forward to (if you watch, and I can't remember if you do and am too lazy to look it up): BIG LOVE. Ohmygoodness.

And yee! 28 weeks!

[H]

Oh, The Bachelor! I just knew they were going to hook Jake after he reappeared to advise Jillian last season. He's a little to sappy, or something, for me - but the inevitable drama is always fun to watch. Also, I'm relying on the Olympics to get me through the long, cold months of January and February.

Having adult children now, I never intend to give a "just wait" to anyone, although sometimes I'm afraid it comes across that way. Whenever I refer to the stages of parenting, I intend the message to be more of a "don't wait" than "just wait." When things were difficult, instead of finding the bits of joy, I tended to look ahead to the next stage, the EASY stage, and while the challenges change, it never really gets easy. Parenting is rewarding and hard all the way through. Enjoy the fun and the hardship as best you can because it all flies by much too quickly.

[bokker]

YES! The "just waits". I've been trying (unsuccesfully) to articulate this annoying phenomenon for my entire pregnancy, and you've just managed it.

And let's not forget the "not yets". Oh no, you can't be feeling the baby move yet; oh no, you won't possibly be showing yet, it must be water retention; oh no, those can't be braxton hicks, not yet.

Way to piss on my strawberries, chaps.

Honestly I feel like it's only now, at 36+ weeks, that I'm "allowed" to be properly pregnant (and complain about it! And be a grumpy arse, evidently).

[Kristin H]

I second (or third?) the idea of getting a doula. I had one baby without (my 1st) and one baby with (my 2nd) and the whole thing was immeasurably better with one. It just helps to have someone there on your side, who's done it before, and who's ready to make your wishes known in the heat of the moment. It can all be a bit overwhelming if it goes fast! Just my two cents. :-)

[JoanP]

The Just Waits? Found them so depressing, and often they didn't pan out the way others said. So how about some positive ones?
Just Wait . . .
until you look into that precious little face and lock eyes for the first time.
until the first 'real' smile.
until you hear the first word.
until you see the miracle of 'personality' starting to show.
until you see the first painful yet exhilarating signs of independence.
until you hear the endless questions and wonder about the miracle of the thought processes behind them.
until your happy little one learns to read!
until you notice a real sense of humor coming out.
until you see the abstract thought development kicking in and your conversations take on a new dimension.
until your relationship changes and you realize that the 'parent' side of it has diminished (not disappeared) and the 'mutual adult friend' side of it has increased.

Parenting is a lot of work. But it is also immensely rewarding. Each stage has it's positives and negatives, and also depends on the particular child. I know it's a long way off for you, but I think you should EXPECT the teenage years to be rewarding in ways that most people don't talk about--they just focus on the negative side of it and roll their eyes. But, wow, the joy of it when you see your child make a mature decision, a kind and thoughtful choice, the relief in their eyes when you share that you had many of the same struggles . . .
Well, I better get off my soapbox or we'll be here all day.

Mom of 6, from 6yo up to 23yo

[Sara]

Oh those stupid just wait people. I like Joan P's idea of the positive just waits!

I get rashy similar red spots on my face in Winter. I have very sensitive skin. I have been prescribed topical cortisones for it as well, but I usually use organic expeller pressed coconut oil fairly sucessfully. I use it at night because in the day time is it is a little greasy unless my skin is really dry.
Just a thought, and is available at most health food stores. You know your skin better than I obviously, but I was suprised how well it worked for me.

[-R-]

You look really great.

I haven't said "just wait" to anyone yet. I think being a mom just keeps getting better and better.

I know. BARF. I'm not usually like this.

[Lawyerish]

Ooh, I am loving the idea that the NEXT season is spring, which in turn made me realize that the reason the remaining 11 weeks (which is not a TINY amount of time, let's be honest) seems like it's not that much -- because there isn't a NEXT trimester; the NEXT milestone is THE BIRTH! Of OUR BABY! Eeek!

Also, I *love* the positive "just waits." JoanP, yours made me tear up!

And H, your advice is really wise and well-taken, and I think I may need to print out that comment and put it up somewhere.

[Julie]

After getting off the phone with my sister who is due any day now, my "just wait" is "just wait until you're close to the due date and you're phone will blow up". My poor sister had 20 phone calls yesterday asking if she had the baby. Um no, not if she's answering the house phone.

And Joan's were PERFECT!!!

[terri]

Other things to add to the "pass the time" list: Jan. 23rd the U.S. Figure Skating Championship which will get you in the loop for the Olympics, and Feb. 2nd the last season of Lost starts. Now I know you don't watch it, but you might as well be in the dark with the rest of us ;-) I am sure that there will be many more upcomings. Right now I am envisioning what I think both of you will look like the moment you see your daughter for the first time in about 78 days ;-) It's gonna be magic.

[Sarah]

Oh man, now I'm thinking back on whether I've "just-wait"ed anyone lately... I hope not. But I must say, I HATED it when my BIL&SIL used to say "you'll see..." to us when they had 2 kids and we had none. They'd say it everytime they caught my hubby and me exchanging horrified glances over their son's spawn-o'-satan behavior. Well, let me tell you something, just because they were raising a holy terror, it did not mean our children would be wretched too. So just remember when just-waiters tell you what WILL happen to you or your body or your child, you may be waiting FOREVER!

[Leah]

Yeah, I got the just waits too. Also for some reason men especially love to say "enjoy your sleep while you can!" or "you'll never sleep again!" That's BS. Newborns have to wake up every few hours but it's really not that bad, and soon they start sleeping for longer.

Also, having a doula was fantastic. Highly recommend.

[Kader]

Dude--the "just waits" made me crazy. They still do. I just saw a couple of old friends who've had kids for a while. I thought for sure that we'd all be in the same club now that I'm finally a mom, too. Nope, I'm still alone in the "just wait" club. Therefore, I swear to whatever one swears to that I won't do that to anyone else. So--hooray for being so close to the birthday! How wonderful!