Next Steps

Somewhere along the way, things turned a corner and I am now incapable of walking like a normal human being.  Instead, I shuffle, I lurch, I waddle, I stagger.  I clutch the railings and two-foot each stair on my descent into the subway stations.  It looks like I am walking with my shoelaces tied together and/or am suffering from dire intestinal misfortune.

In part, it's the sciatica, which continues to send searing pain down my leg at unpredictable intervals; but it's also the density and protrusion of the belly, which my relatively narrow hips are no longer able to accommodate or compensate for.  This results in my joints being compressed and restricted, which in turn causes my zombie/Frankenstein/invalid-style gait.  I can assure you, it's extremely attractive.  Passersby and fellow commuters look at me with a mixture of pity and horror, as if to say, "Gosh, you look so uncomfortable, you poor thing -- just please don't have your baby on my foot." 

And yet, my doctor says that the baby is normal-sized and that my belly is "small" (God bless her).  My weight has plateaued, and thus far I have avoided the dreaded cankle.  I've also started slowly progressing toward physical signs of the baby's arrival:  when walking around -- and sometimes just while sitting down -- I get irregular, yet unmistakable, contractions and, thanks to the wonders of the internal exam, we now know that there is dilation and effacement happening in places people don't talk about at parties.  Believe me, we are doing everything we can to encourage these things to continue.  I am not above trying every old wives' tale in the book to get this kid moving toward the light.

As for my homework assignments, next I shall tackle Alyce and Debbie in the UK's questions about post-baby plans vis-a-vis child care and, further down the line, preschools. 

I am fortunate to have an employer with a generous parental leave policy (relatively speaking -- it's not, like, Denmark- or Canada-level generous, but for the US it's about as good as you can get), so I will be able to take several months off after the baby is born. 

My goals for maternity leave are fairly modest -- shower on what I hope is a daily basis, meet up with friends for coffee and walks in the park with our infants, answer emails and phone calls within a reasonable amount of time, get back to running (I have some 4-milers and 10Ks on the calendar for May and June, which I think won't be TOO ambitious), take a handful of those geeky "mommy and me" classes (which are clearly more for mommy since the baby will be not much more interactive than a loaf of bread for a good while), keep the baby alive, that sort of thing. 

I honestly have no idea whether I will take to being at home with the baby like a fish to water, or if I'm going to be chewing the walls after a few weeks.  I think it helps that we're in the city, and the weather will (eventually) be nice during my leave, so getting out of the house won't involve all that much agita -- I can walk around Central Park or to a museum or cafe or library whenever I need air or want to feel connected to the outside world, and I have friends in the neighborhood to keep me company.  Admittedly, it may take me a while to get used to toting around a BABY and all her accoutrements when I pop out to the corner Duane Reade, but I'm hoping I will be able to make it happen without everything being a huge production.  Anyway, I am curious to see what my reaction is to the whole thing, since it's such a change from my daily routine now.

Once my leave is up, I plan to go back to work.  A reduced schedule may be an option -- like four days a week in the office instead of five.  That's something I'll have to figure out with my higher-ups, and what will happen will depend on a number of factors outside of my control right now.   

At that point, it appears that we'll be hiring a nanny.  Especially when I'm transitioning back to a work routine, it seems like daycare would build a lot more stress into our day than it would take away because of the schedules of the providers near us.  Each morning, Joe or I would have to get ourselves AND the baby ready and out the door by 7:30 to drop her off.  On the back end, one of us would have to be at the daycare by 6pm on the dot to pick her up, which may not be realistic every single day, and then there would be the wild tear of getting the baby home, walking the dog, feeding the baby, feeding the dog, feeding ourselves, doing a bedtime routine, and collapsing onto the couch.  It sounds very harried to me and not ideal for any of us.

On the other hand, I've always been a little skittish of the whole nanny situation.  Not because I think that there is no one on earth who can properly care for my preshus baybee, but because it weirds me out to be An Employer and in many ways it's just foreign to me because it wasn't something I grew up with or around. 

Mainly, I fret about how uncomfortable it might be to give someone direction about how I want things done, or to correct them if they're doing something I'd rather they didn't, or to deal with pay issues and negotiations.  Of course, we've done these things with our dog walker and our dog sitter and haven't had any problems and in fact -- although we've had some clunkers in the past -- we have found really wonderful people whom we trust completely with Miles.  Not that a dog walker is QUITE the same as a nanny, but you know what I mean.  So it's fairly likely that I am blowing these things out of proportion in my mind simply because they're unfamiliar.  The fact is, most parents I know who have sitters or nannies have wonderfully positive working relationships with them, so the little things that crop up from time to time are not that big of a deal.

Down the road, when our kid hits two years old, we'll be entering the fray of the preschool world, which in this city is not all that different from the college application process.  We've given it some thought, but haven't exhaustively researched the issue since we have a fair amount of time.  Since I was Montessori-educated (and my mom taught Montessori for 25 years), I have a preference for that philosophy; but I'm open to learning about other methods and pedagogies and seeing what works for our child, so we'll probably apply to a wide swath of programs to ensure that we have options (or at least, uh, ONE option, at the end of the day).  That said, as dorky as it sounds, I plan to use a lot of Montessori methods at home so she'll be getting that influence one way or another.

Of course, any or all of these plans may change given all sorts of different possible circumstances and based on how Joe and I feel about things as we go.  I want to keep an open mind in all directions while staying realistic about what our needs are as a family and being cognizant of what works best for us.  And all that jazz.

(Belly picture for 36 weeks next time!) 

Comments

[Gillian]

Hey! I remember describing myself at that stage of pregnancy as a boiled whole chicken. None of the ligaments feel like they fit right, so all of the joints just kind of wobble, with bones sort of moving independently of one another. Everything all loosey goosey and uncomfy. What a relief it will be when it's finally over!

Also wanted to say that we have a part time nanny right now, and we love it (she's a sophomore in college). I used to take our kid to full time daycare before I quit work to go to lawschool, and it BLEW. I had to leave the house at 6:45 because I had 1:15 commute, and have all his crap in hand, food packed, milk packed, etc. Got home with him at around 7pm, and the hectic end of day routine was awful. I never felt like I got any quality time with him, because I was so busy packing lunches and diaper bags and preparing for the next day in the small amount of time I had at home. I much prefer the nanny situation. He'll start PT preschool next year, and I'm glad he'll get interaction with other kids since he's going-on-two, but for these early days having in-home help has been much, MUCH easier. I don't think you'll regret it, awkward though it may prove at times.

[Ris]

I did Montessori and I looooved it. I have nothing but positive things to say about their methods. And I can still re-attach a button to a shirt or mend a tear like nobody's business, thanks to Montessori.

[Sharon Jorgenson]

Mer - your blog made me LOL a few times and giggle thru the rest

[Marie Green]

Wow, I think all of your plans sound reasonable, well planned out, and calm. I have a friend who nanny-shares (she doesn't live around here... no one has a nanny around here. Too small! Home daycares abound, however). Anyway, she really loves her arrangement, and has had no problems. Plus, her kid gets a playmate!

I'm sure all the exact details will make themselves obvious when the time comes, as these things always do.

I've loved these homework assignments!

[Marie Green]

Oh, GAWD, I just re-read my comment, and now I see that is sounds as if I'm trying to suggest nanny-sharing. I'm not! At all!

Typing. Not the same as talking. Sigh.

[Natasha]

Loved this blog post. So real and honest. Every new parent deals with these things. And sometimes these decisions come so easily and others are heart wrenching i.love.my.child.so.much I can't take make this decision decisions.
To work or not or how much? What about schedules, feedings, sitters, new routines- then, AHHHH.
For me, everything just has to stop. I have to pray and re-prioritize my life, making sure life is balanced and in "order". Whatever that may be : )
Looking forward to the pics, the name and of course the baby!
Natasha

[chirky]

Montessori methods: PLEASE TELL ME MORE. In detail. Great, great detail.

[Allison]

I second Chirky's thought! More about Montessori methods!

[-R-]

Man, I hope your back feels better soon, even before the baby is born.

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on Montessori as well. I don't really know much about it, except I think kids are supposed to learn more independently. But I could be totally wrong, which is why I'm interested.

[Debbie in the UK]

It sounds as though you have things all figured out whilst remaining as flexible as possible, which is ideal ! Have you given up work yet? Can't wait for the baby now!!

[glenna]

We LOVE Montessori at our house too!! :) I think you already knew that though. :) E is loving it and we're already planning for Q to start when she's old enough.