Performance Review + Goals

I had totally forgotten that I actually did make New Year's resolutions in 2011.  Let's see how those panned out:

1.  I will endeavor to be more kind. Did I do that last year?  I'm going to say YES.  It wasn't a sea change or anything, because I am not a total jerk to begin with; but I tried to give more compliments, to listen more attentively, to make small talk in hallways and elevators instead of being buried in my iPhone, and to be more thoughtful about gifts and birthday cards.  Around the house, I made more of an effort to do a tiresome chore when it presented itself (i.e., unload the dishwasher, take out the garbage) rather than engaging in a standoff over it and hoping someone else would cave first.  Plus, during the holidays I made cookies and gave them to neighbors, which I hadn't done before despite living here for five years and always meaning to (it's not a very New York-y thing to do, but we've gotten to know a bunch of lovely people in our building, and they were all happily surprised by the gesture).  Kindness is fun!  Let's do more this year, too!

2.  Be a better friend.  Again, I think I was better about this and tried harder, so I'll give myself another yes.  Granted, I had more time on my hands during the latter part of 2011, and it will be harder with a much busier work schedule as the year ramps up -- but still!  When I had a free afternoon, instead of milling about on the Internet, I went out to have lunch with a friend, and I made more spontaneous playdates and that sort of thing.  Again, it wasn't a huge change, but it was enough to make me feel happier and more fulfilled.  And it didn't feel like I was trying to do something; I was simply doing things that are fun and enjoyable to begin with.  I like people!  I like friends!  This isn't hard.

On the flip side, I have been much less of a good friend to my email buddies, because I've been away from the computer more.  So that is a bummer, and one I resolve to change.  Dammit, life!  Can't you be EASIER?

3.  React to things more positively. Well. I wouldn't call this a massive fail, but it wasn't a raging success, either.  I still have a kneejerk reaction to people moseying in slo-mo on the sidewalk or jostling me on the subway.  On the other hand, I can remember specific instances when I caught myself thinking ill of someone for being annoying and redirected my mind to something more positive or reminded myself that they could be having a bad day. 

I've also found it helpful, when the urge hits to roll my eyes at hordes of tourists being all clueless and touristy, to think of how *I* must look/act when I'm in a foreign country or different city -- I stop in the middle of a busy thoroughfare to look at a map or saunter aimlessly while taking in a beautiful view or take forever to buy a ticket for public transportation.  Everyone's just doing the best they can, and I've tried to remember to give people the benefit of the doubt, or just a damn break already.  Overall, I'd give myself a passing grade on this one.

4.  Be open to possibilities, instead of thinking them to death.  YES YES YES!  I did this one in a pretty big way in 2011.  I worked a lot on doing what needs to be done to create opportunities for myself, then letting God (or the Universe or life, whatever you prefer) do the rest.  I mean, I don't think you can sit back and wish something into being; God helps those who help themselves and all that -- but the key is, the timing has to be right.  So while I might have felt like I was doing my part for YEARS to make something happen, I couldn't force it or get all bent out of shape when what I THOUGHT was the right thing turned out not to be.  When the time is right for something to happen, things DO come together and it HAPPENS. 

You hear all the time from Oprah, et al., about doors opening and forces conspiring to foment change when something is meant to be, but I had become frustrated about why that wasn't happening for MEEEEEE.  And yet, it HAS happened for me, so many times in my life (witness the whole failed adoption, without which Felicity might not be here, and brrrrrrrrrring, HELLO!, and that is merely one example), and I am FINALLY figuring out how to get through what would otherwise be frustrating or disappointing times by recognizing them for what they are -- part of the whole path that will eventually lead me SOMEwhere, even if it's somewhere totally different from where I think I SHOULD be going.

(I know a lot of people don't believe in this spiritual/religious woo-woo stuff, or it may not work for them/you, and that is 100% cool with me.  I'm not trying to persuade anyone to think this way, I'm simply saying this was what I experienced and what I personally choose to believe. It has really helped me to give myself over to faith instead of trying to control the world with my fretful mind.)

5.  Ask for help and offer help more frequently.  I don't know if I offered help much more, but I certainly asked for and accepted it a LOT this year.  So on that side, WIN.  I did more asking for help than I would have thought I was capable of, and I did it confidently and without shame.  And PEOPLE DO WANT AND LIKE TO HELP.  Whatever the issue is, however seemingly minor or overwhelmingly major, people are out there who have answers, connections, advice, ideas.  Find them. 

So what will I do with myself in 2012?  Kind of lame stuff, but stuff I want to focus on nonetheless:

1.  Set a regular schedule for exercise, and stick to it.  I need to set an alarm, get up, and run or work out four times a week.  I've been too loosey-goosey about fitness because the scale hasn't changed, but it's time to get into a real routine and get it done.  I will feel so much better mentally and physically when I do. 

2.  Stop multitasking.  I have become very scatterbrained, especially about mundane things like what we need from the store, and I think it is largely because I multitask too much.  I check Facebook while I'm making my shopping list; I scroll through Twitter when I should be engaged with Felicity -- you get the idea.  I need to confine my screen time to specific breaks in my day and in the evening (Internet + TV is ok, although if I'm watching something I really like, I should WATCH it and not give half my attention to something else). 

3.  Find a better breakfast.  I feel like most days, it takes me twelve attempts at breakfast before I finally stop being hungry.  I tend to grab a cereal bar or slap some peanut butter on an English muffin, and ten minutes later I am scrounging around for something else, and this repeats all morning.  I have convinced myself that I'm too busy for a reasonable breakfast, but does it really take any longer to eat a Greek yogurt or throw a pouch of instant oatmeal in my bag before I dash out the door?  No, it does not. 

4. Find a better hair/makeup routine.   I would like to look a little better than I do.  Vain and superficial?  Perhaps.  But I am starting to feel like I look older than I should (I am CRAGGY, y'all -- for real; my face is a dried-up HUSK), and it's not a good feeling.  A little more effort would probably go a long way -- maybe it's buying a flatiron so my hair looks less disastrous; maybe it's a product to make my (very small amount of) makeup stay on all day so I don't look like a corpse by 1pm.  Maybe I also need a boost to my (very cheap, very lazy) skin care system.  Whatever it is, I need to do it (and maybe find someone to HELP me figure it all out), so I don't feel so deflated when I look in the mirror.

5.  Make a little more effort in terms of clothes/appearance.  Pretty much the same thing.  Shopping the J Crew final sale isn't always enough.  Change it up.  GO TO A STORE.  Try things on.  Wear more skirts and dresses.  Wear fewer ill-fitting pants.  I always feel better when I am wearing something cute that fits well (though, truth be told, I always feel BEST when I get home and put my sweatpants on). 

I think these are manageable goals.  And I'm going to drink more water.  Never hurts. 

Comments

[Lisa]

This year I am set on improving the way I dress too. Not a major fashion overhaul, but no more maternity--my youngest is 2.5, and no more stuff that doesn't fit. I am afraid I would be of no help in the skincare and hair department, though, my regimen consists of washing my hair and moisturizing.

[Jennie]

Love your goals, both last and this year. So thoughtful, so doable and inspiring all at the same time. Happy 2012 friend!